Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Wastin away again, in Whatdafuggsville

Greed and Christ. What's really going on people? The cost of a Nintendo Wii is $249.00. The cost of a PlayStation 3 is $599.00 (ridiculous enough). However, the sellers on Amazon, as of 9:17 p.m. on 12/5/06, are charging $643.00 and $1, 640.00. Why? 'Tis the season. What is more deplorable than that? The fact that there are parents so obsessed with material things, they're going to go broke buying that crap for their kids. I knew it was gonna be some bullshit a few months ago when they pushed the release date back. SUCKAS!

In related Christmas nonsense, while my kids were in New Orleans, the daddy told my son he was going to get him one of those mini-motorbikes for Xmas. *insert blank stare, sound of crickets and uncomfortable throat clearing, here* I could go on a rampage. Really, I could. But I was always taught not to berate the retarded, so I'll just keep it moving. In situations like this, all I can do is wonder: "What would Ashy Larry do?"

Recently, my girl Lala requested a cease on all the scattered ass pics floating around on Yahoo. I, too, am joining her crusade. I, too, would like to take a deep breath one day, knowing that my air is not marred with the scent of someone's nipple sweat as they heave their bosom in front of their web cam hoping to get some of the cyber love that evidently eludes them in the real world. Recently, while randomly searching the net, I came across some things that I just couldn't understand. Let me say that though I WILL crack on folks, it's all in good fun. Not out to hurt nobody's feelings. But I will question judgement.

For example (not for the faint of heart...cover your eyes Siren), when I encountered a profile with a view of a lady's posterior that was, let's use positive language and say ample and accommodating, I must question why she didn't review said pic with an objective eye. There was a "ring" around her ass that was curiously the same diameter of a toilet. I'll go so far as to bet my check that it WAS the damn imprint of a toilet. I'm all for confidence, but +4 edema is not's a medical condition. that out. Most of us ain't no stranger to dimples, dents and hell, even creases, so please understand, I'm just dessiminating helpful information. Thank you for your time.

Now that I have been sucked into the monster that is Myspace (which will soon make the class reunion OBSOLETE), there are several things that amuse me. First, what the hell do fifteen year old boys want to talk to me about on Myspace? My child is eight years old. My sister who I virtually raised, is 21. Is Dateline trying to get some women caught up in the game? What's really going on? Second, is there anything gayer than the Myspace profile set to private? Particularly if you like to just add strangers at random? Don't be inviting me like I know you. I have no issue with denying, or if I'm feeling particularly ornery, replying with "Who are you, do I know you and what do you want?" I further maintain that if you have some odd picture on your blank profile, you are up to no good. NO GOOD I SAY!!

There's a new show on Adult Swim, called "Assy McGee". Assy McGee? I'm a fan of all things offbeat, but, well, dude's an ass. Literally. Didn't Jim Carrey do the talking ass thing in Ace Ventura? Did we laugh then? I mean, I did chuckle when his being dressed up simply involved putting a bowtie on the crack, but still, can this carry a show? It may win me over, but for now, the jury's out. To his credit, there was no bowl ring around his ass. I guess that counts for something.

Am I the only one that's going to see "Blood Diamond", not only for the story line, but also in hopes of seeing a gratuitous shots of Djimon's chest (or ass, whatever)? Yeah, I know this is random and unrelated.

Unfortunately, since my computer has been attacked with "the gay", I am unable to load the luscious picture of Reggie Bush. How does this picture relate you ask? C'mere. *smack* You've seen that man...don't need no damn reason. Stop asking stupid questions.