Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Thoughts tiptoeing across my cabeza

As I sit at my desk, savoring the tiny orgasms in a little gold bag otherwise known as Godiva chocolates, with no tasks in sight, my mind is left to wander and ponder.

While politicking with my friend, the Harlem Philosopher and Quintessential Bon Vivant, we discussed the necessity of "the nigga moment." More specifically, he quoted Flip Wilson, who said, "I reserve my right to be a nigger." Strong words. Now, I don't throw that word around, but in my opinion (PLEASE read "MY OPINION") sometimes, the word fits. Being the good and patient citizen does not always pay. For purposes of this blog, I will use the definition of "nigga" provided by Gin Rummy (if you don't know, you won't): "I mean it as a general term for ignant muhf***ahs. Anybody of any race can be an ignant muhf***ah." With that being said, the nigga moment can be necessitated when one is forced to deal with, well, niggas. For example, dealing with customer service agents, telemarketers, public service passengers, taxicab drivers, etc., who just happen to be of nigga descent.

For example, the time I spent 20 minutes waiting for a refund on a faulty product. Twenty minutes of rigamarole was solved in five minutes after I shouted, "SOMEBODY had better give me a refund on this garbage ass product or it's gonna be some SHIT." Now, when I initially walked in with my receipt in hand, knowing full well the product was not functioning due to a manufacturing error, I had no intention of behaving in such a manner. However, after 20 minutes of being treated as though I used said product to unclog my toilet, I was taken "there." *shrug* Some folks like it like that.

Somebody really needs to send my girl Choc some porn. Like, STAT. *eyeing STO*

I've got "Old Reliable" set to random, and he is most definitely bringing the fiyah. "So Fresh, So Clean" is playing, and I remembered how disturbed I was the first time I heard, "I love who you are, love who you ain't, you're so Anne Frank, let's hit the attic to hide out for 'bout two weeks." I mean, clever but...werd? *wrinkles nose*

Baller: 1995, you're in the club, with your regular crew, "This is How We Do It" comes on, you scream "AWWWWW SHIT!" and jump on the dance floor. Not Baller: 2007, you're in the club (possibly the same club with a different name if gunshots have not shut it down permanently), with your little cousin's crew (now YOUR regular crew), "This is How We Do It" comes on, you scream "AWWWWW SHIT" and jump on the dance floor...alone...because your lil cousin, her crew and everybody else in the damn club, save for you, the dj, and the jheri curl man that keeps trying to send you drinks, were in 2nd grade when the song came out. EVOLVE!

"CORNBREAD! Ain't nuttin' wrong with that."

The following are situations where the parties involved really should have just said, "Because that's what the hell I wanted to do!"

I find it just a little confusing when individuals will on one hand, complain about the message conveyed in rap music, but poo-poo the message conveyed by Oprah. We don't want our kids to emulate "them". Okay, fine. But when "we" tell them, "you don't appreciate shit" (and ostensibly, "you AIN'T shit"), where would, or should, our kids look to for allies? Definitely not those who have already written them off. I've said it before and I'll say it again: there better not be a Nike or iPod commercial airing during Okra's show. A simple, "Why did I do it? I'm Oprah Winfrey bitch!" really would have been sufficient.

A couple of weeks back, Rosie O'Donnell, in attempting (stress on the word "attempting") to make a joke about Danny Devito, proceeded to insult, pretty much the entire nation of China. (Note to Rosie: When you're that off the mark, that's when you should reevaluate and recognize that your brand of humor just isn't funny.) She used the phrase "ching chong" multiple times in describing the Chinese language. Okay, who hasn't? But I think anyone that has, did it with the knowledge that it was offensive and inflammatory. However, when you consider yourself an activist in your own right, and request tolerance, comments of that sort are really not advisable. But, being Rosie, she couldn't just let it be. She had to qualify it by saying she didn't know the term "ching chong" was offensive. Where the hell has she lived? *blank stare* I learned that lesson in 5th grade when this dude said it in a group of about 5 Vietnamese kids. Hmph. They chinged his chong.

Black women that say they would love to wear the natural hair, except they could never get away with it at their job, really kinda chap my behind. Now, I'm not going to say that this is completely impossible, but I'm willing to wager that 98% of these women are full of caca. I worked for Good Ole Boys, LLP, and when I came back to New Orleans, the managing partner gushed over my hair. I am currently employed at a corporate law firm, and coincidentally, the oldest law firm in the country. Ten months later, the white folks still can't stop complimenting me. For a while, the coloreds couldn't stop asking me when I was going to "do something" with my hair. Please read my above referenced comments re: the nigga moment to get some idea as to how I got them to stop. Just say you like relaxers, long hair, weave, etc. I've had it all, so I'm not hating. But phoney excuses, circumstances, consequences and repercussions are really in direct juxtaposition to all that is sexy.