The sooner that the black community stops thinking that Oprah, Iyanla Van Zant and Essence Magazine are some all knowing triad, the better off we'll all be. Just because we heard/saw it from them does not make it a fact. I applaud their positive messages, however, I think we sometimes take them too seriously. Oprah get's her name stamped on books that she simply read. She did not write, edit or publish the books, she simply read them. Am I the only one in this world that finds this disturbing.
Black relationships across the nation were in total upheaval after Oprah and Essence gave us a"peek" into the life of DL brothers. When were closeted gay men a secret? And it's not that far a stretch of the imagination to think that some men will qualify their acts as them not "being gay" because they have wife/girlfriend/family. So I'm puzzled by the fact that once Oprah said it, a large part of the sister population was questioning her man about his habits. Everything from boys' night out to just a lack of relationship drama made the insecure sister wary of her SO's sexuality. Let me put this issue to rest...If ya man spends his free time away from you, he's not really your man. Handle your business. Don't go on Oprah acting shocked, or write E. Lynn Harris to thank him for illuminating your path. Your good old common sense told you what to do a long time ago and it's on you if you didn't listen to it.
Then there's the issue of women loving thugs. Eddie Murphy told you about 20 years ago why that happened...he made her go "OOOOOOOHHHHHH" and she's been hooked ever since. It's not rocket science. If a woman is crazy enough to stay with a man that is no good for her, count yourself blessed that you don't have to deal with her on that level and press on. Be forewarned, the next brother that proffers this argument in an attempt to get sympathy will swiftly be offered cheese to go with his whine. When it's your time, it's your time, so stop being stressed out by the choices of others.
After much research, I have also discovered that white women are not on a crusade for black men. They want A man, and if he happens to be black, so be it. This man will be with her for one of two reasons: 1) He in honestly in love with her and nothing you can do will change that, so stop hating; or, 2) He thinks she's better because she's white and therefore, he is an idiot - you should be thankful that you're NOT with him. Here's a thought...just like women don't like whining men, men don't like whining women. There is nothing sexier than a happy person...try it!
Finally, I have a major beef with the tremendous amount of money that the "experts" are making telling us things that we already know. For example, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. These people made a killing telling us that men and women think differently...duh!
Then there is the barrage of magazine articles by, usually single, women that tell us how to please your man. HUH?? Do you know "my man"? Here's an idea ladies...ask your man what he wants and be sure you're prepared for whatever answer he'll give you. Chances are, he'll tell you. Once that's done and you've implemented the suggestions, turn on the game, fix him a sandwich and shut the hell up.
My personal favorite is the Franklin/Covey phenomenon 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Basically, you sit in an overpriced seminar for 3 days replete with accessories that are also overpriced when you have to replace or refill them. They inform the masses that they should prioritize their lives and do things in order of importance. Gee Franklin/Covey...thanks for saving the day. No one needs 3 days and a $100+ day planner to tell them that. My mother told me that when I was about 5 and it stuck with me. Right around the same time she told me that boys and girls think differently and ask people questions and they'll answer you. I guess anyone crazy enough to pay for learning things they already know deserves to spend every dime.