My body is my temple; pie is the sacrament

So, I've been cutting back on the foodage lately, and I'm feeling the results. Last night, I even went to McDonald's because I promised the kids, and I did NOT get an apple pie. What was my dessert? LOWFAT YOGURT BITCHES! Yogurt has been my standby from the way back. I remember being seven, and on the phone with one of my friends (what the hell did we have to talk about at seven?) and when I told her I was eating yogurt, she acted as though I descended from Neptune.

Where was I when wheat became the devil incarnate? All of a sudden, people are up in arms about wheat. And um, I'll be damned if I'm giving up my peanut butter and jelly, 'kay dude? Chill out with all that. Plus, don't whole grains clean out your insides? Isn't the roughage a good thing? (Does whole grain count as "roughage," or is that a term specifically for fruits and veggies?)

I'm registering my kids for some activities. Finge wants to play baseball and Lil Bit wants to dance. I'm not the most sociable of people, nor am I the "I've got the Gatorade and apple slices next week!" sort, but it seems I will have to get over it.

There are lots of sites out there geared toward weight loss. I tend to steer clear of those that endorse "diets." Instead, I refer to tips on improving my health and eating habits. I find that diets almost invariably exclude stuff I like. Who's going to give a damn that I'm skinny if I'm a 360 degree bitch? That's right up there with those Alli pills making oil leak out of your ass. I laugh at that every time I see the commercial.

Believe it or not, completely avoiding the Lifetime network is good for your health. Have you ever watched those movies? Two hours full of hypertension, "Oh HELL no," and "BITCH is you smokin' reefer?" I can't take it.

I just really don't want to be 35 riding a rascal y'all.