Wednesday, April 02, 2008

What matters most

The "Stuff ____ People Like/Hate" genre is all the rage right now. It's actually funny stuff. (So funny, that were I not in a lazy mood, I would link all of these blogs. Unfortunately, this is Wednesday, and I'm not in full back to work mode so you're gonna have to use Google.) But I know your secret. You are far more curious about what pleases Black Mamba, and what raises her ire.* Shhh, you don't have to say it out loud. Mama knows. And in my benevolence, I'll give you what you need. So, with no further ado. . .

Stuff Black Mamba Hates

Tourists - Black Mamba is a city girl, so she enjoys living in touristy places. However, she is confused by the tourist's belief that not being native to a local gives one license to be an utter douchebag. Stopping in the middle of busy walkways; driving 10 mph on main thoroughfares; shouting unsafe things to the opposite end of the train such as, "I have NO IDEA where to get off!" are just a few situations where Black Mamba must battle with her inner self, not pull out her peace maker and have you run yo shit. This is entirely unacceptable.

American Caucasian Rescue Efforts - The biggest reason Black Mamba LOVES the movie "Akeelah and the Bee," was the fact that there wasn't some fresh-faced wide eyed white girl that saw her "potential" and delivered her from her peril. See, white people seem to really enjoy saving young minorities from, well, being minorities; just not in a meaningful way. Rarely, if ever, are the minority parents reached out to in ANY way. We can take this practice all the way back to Phyllis Wheatley, whose owners decided she was special enough to be taught to read and write, and her mistress "protected" her ("my Phyllis") from the big black negro (whose name escapes me) that wanted to court her. Think of every "inspirational" tale of integration. There's almost invariably some Anglo at the wheel, steering a gang of clueless black and brown miscreants to the glory that is their full potential. How else could they discover it?

The latest evolution involves the fashionable adoption of foreign children. Black Mamba is well aware that there are some people who are legitimate do-gooders, and have the purest of intentions. However, I have seen far to many black and yellow babies paraded about as the newest in the Gucci line. (I deliberately left out our brown brothers and sisters. Say what you will, but they keep their kids!) Black Mamba's opinion on the Madonna situation? When has she ever done ANYTHING that was not a calculated publicity stunt?

The fact that she likes Chris Brown - When Black Mamba won her car, she began to occasionally listen to the radio again. She found herself caught in the slow progression of tolerating a Chris Brown song, to nodding her head, to *gasp* SINGING ALONG! And as shameful as this is, she can't stop.

New Orleans Baked Goods Separation - Black Mamba very vocal about the benefits that living in Maryland affords her. That being said, there is a big difference between a Maryland donut (usually chains) and a New Orleans donut (usually local). A Tastee Donut (New Orleans standard) apple fritter reaches you right down to your most insidiest of insidey parts. I won't even touch on the fallen legend that is McKenzie's. *drool* Cinnamon rolls, buttermilk drops, black out cake. *saliva* Bunny Bread on a Saturday morning. *sigh* Randazzo's King Cake. *gasp* Hubig's Pies! *spontaneous orgasm* Of course, this is probably also the reason damn near everyone in the region has "sugar" (diabetes).

*I am well aware that there are probably other bloggers who have had a similar - or maybe even the exact - idea. This really matters not to me. There are no new ideas under the sun. Take it light and enjoy.

9 comments:

jalishouse said...

I enjoyed this post and I'm snatching up the idea to use in the future. TYVM

BLESSD1 said...

Man...I had a Hubig's pie the other day (two, actually), and it reminded me how much I missed Louisiana when I was in Atlanta.

Clifton said...

Breez,
Don't feel bad about the baked goods. My mom will not go back to Memphis without a box of Hubig's pies. I will argue with anybody that buttermilk drops are the greatest pastry creation ever.

P.S.
Tastees has the Mckenzie's recipe and makes them every day. That's not a reason to move back home but I think it might be good enough for a visit.

Amadeo said...

I like cake...cake is delicious you must have some.

He Calls Me B said...

First of all, let me say that I love reading your blogs! I agree with most of what you're saying except the fact that black mothers "keep their kids" while apparently other races throw theirs to the dogs. Well I am speaking from the perspective of a soon to be adoptive mother who has done the research. There are more African American babies in foster/group homes than any other race. Asians keep their kids. Indians keep their kids. Those statements, I would not disagree with. However, black mothers on the other hand, leave their kids at hospitals and keep moving. Of course, we can't generalize an entire race of people based on any of this. Nevertheless, this has just been my experience. In Texas, "discounts" are given to families who are willing to adopt little black boys over the age of two. This is because they are the hardest to adopt out.
P.S. I too miss the New Orleans baked goods. Whenever I go home, I have to get petit fours from Haydel's for the road and I try to bring back some strawberry jelly donuts from Tastee's for my hubby.

Breez said...

Hi, He Calls Me B. First, thank you very much for reading and enjoying my blog. It’s always good to have new visitors.

I feel as though I need to clarify some things. When I made reference to our “brown brothers and sisters,” that was a reference to our Latino brothers and sisters. Additionally, I in no way meant that all children who are adoption candidates (particularly those in foreign countries) have just been “thrown to the dogs.” I’m certain I did not even allude to that, so I find that to be an extremely curious inference.

Regarding your reference to your “personal experience” of black mothers regularly abandoning their children, and the good people of Texas essentially having to be paid off to adopt black male children; again, curious. I am certain there is a disproportionate amount of black children in the foster care/adoption system. However, there is also a disproportionate amount of black people afflicted by poverty, so it only stands to reason. But, rather than addressing that fact, it’s much easier, subconsciously or not, to point out how often black parents suck. Unfortunately, I’ve come to see that as par for the course.

What I am disgusted by, and what spawned me to broach this sensitive subject in the first place, is the number of times I’ve been on the train, and heard adoptive parents discuss the acquisition of their fashionable family addition with the regard of a rare breed of dog; or maybe their new Aston Martin.

But, let me reiterate that my intent was not to point out all white people who adopt minority children are selfish attention whores. Rather than referring to an entire race, I was merely addressing a specific trend, particularly among celebrities and the affluent.

Thanks again for reading, and best wishes to you in providing a loving home to a child, regardless of what race he or she may be.

MBT4679 said...

"However, black mothers on the other hand, leave their kids at hospitals and keep moving."

Are you out of your f**king mind??

What nature of ignorance is this?

Do you know WHY young black children are so hard to adopt? Because the majority of Americans subconsciously associate Black people with APES!! (according to a recent study by Standard, Penn State, and UC-Berkeley). The majority of Americans still think we Black people are undesireable, untrainable, uneducated, unruly savages and they want nothing to do with them.

As Black Mamba so eloquently pointed out, Black people are disproportionately affected by damn near every negative social issue there is, so it is no wonder that the foster care adoption rates are higher. However, it is the responsibility of successful Black people to give of themselves and raise these children up when their downtrodden brothers and sisters cannot, instead of letting Becky and Jimbo Cracker come along and whitewash our children of their cultural heritage.

I am a Black woman who did NOT drop her baby off at a hospital and I can spend the rest of the week easily naming the women I know who have not done the same.

What manner of fuckery is this?????

He Calls Me B said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
He Calls Me B said...

I did misunderstand Melanie's use of the term "brown." I did not realize that she was referring to Hispanic individuals. I stand corrected.

MBT, no I am absolutely not out of my f'n mind (as you so eloquently put it) and I do know the facts. I also know that there are a wide variety of contraceptives available to those who want them. You can get condoms from anywhere for free, even barber shops. So, I do find it absolutely ridiculous that women (not just black women) continue to have unprotected sex and produce babies that they do not want. I am fully aware that in general, black people are poverty stricken. I am also aware that God gave us all common sense; therefore, we have the ability to reason. If you can not feed yourself, then you obviously can't feed five children. If you had unprotected sex once before and got pregnant, chances are it just might happen again.
I am not trying to simply point out that "black parents suck." I have great black parents, know great black parents, will be a great black parent, and am married to a man who will do the same. I was simply speaking about those black babies who have been abandoned. Sweep it under the rug if you choose, but it is a reality.

As far as the Brad and Angelina's of the world, I too think it is ridiculous that society is so enamored with celebrities adopting from other countries when there are children right here in the US that need homes. I don't dispute that at all. BUT, I do think that it is better for those children to be in homes that can provide appropriate care than in homes that can not meet their needs due to a lack of finances, healthcare, etc.

MBT, you took one line out of everything I said, and ran with it. You are actually are taking it wayyy out of context. I am very aware of what society subconsciously associates with the African American race. Nevertheless, you completely disregarded the fact that there are an alarming amount of black children in foster care in the first place. You said that more black families need to step up to adopt these children and I agree. However, if black families don't, then who gives a damn if "Becky and Jimbo Cracker" adopt them. Is the goal to give them a home full of people of the same race or a home of people who will love and care for them? Having both would be wonderful; however, if it is not possible, I'd choose the latter.

Back to square one, keep your damn clothes on if you can’t afford condoms or kids. Lastly, who said anything about you dropping your child off at the hospital? How is that even relevant? I am speaking in general.