Monday, July 28, 2008

Mas Palabras

October will mark three years as a Maryland resident. Yet, once a week, there is a female behemoth that will attempt to share a subway seat with me. My behind will not invade the seat next to me, but I take up every square inch of my alloted (and purchased) seat. If you do stunts for Bruce Bruce, you can't sit next to me. Keep it moving, Leviathan.

I can drink like a fish. There's not even a story there; just. . . hot damn.

Every time a person says they "heart" something, Abigail Breslin is beaten with a sack of nickels. The same goes for "vajayjay." It's just stupid. Cut it out.

I've had it with men complaining about getting the shaft for Fathers' Day presents. You can stand up when you pee and you get the big piece of chicken. However, if that's not enough for you spoiled babies, you also don't have to undergo the horror that is the bra fitting. I won't go into the gory details, but I will say that afterward, I refused to purchase the bra strictly on principle. It would have been too much like paying for inappropriate contact, and I'm just not "there" yet.

You ever sit around and wonder who makes the rules? I do. Por ejemplo, lately, I've been thinking about marijuana and coffeeI'm not running for Prez, so I'll keep it real: once upon a time, I used to blaze up on the regular. When I decided to stop blazing, that was that. Had other things going on in my life, and weed didn't fit. Done. What happens when you smoke weed? You want sex and the occasional hot pocket. Marijuana is an illegal substance. I am a dyed in the wool coffee drinker. I have a few cups on the daily. When I try to quit coffee, I get migraines, the jitters, and I stay thisclose to homicide. What happens when you drink coffee, you become hyper and pretty much annoying as all hell. I have quit and restarted coffee more times than I can count. Coffee is a legal substance. Just putting that out there.

This past weekend, I had to take a drive to Queens, NY. You know how you see a place in a movie, and you think it's an exaggeration? Not so for Queens. You saw coming to America? It was pretty much like that. Queens is JACKED UP. However, I saw a site where they are building luxury condos. I have also cast lots on which mom and pop operation they were going to shut down so that they could build their Starbucks (or whatever godless, souless entity that is replacing the 'Bux now that the company has hit the skids.)

Am I the only person that finds it strange when a person needs to be walked through filling out a form. "Where it says name. . ." I just can't quite get with it.

Last week became very interesting, very quickly.

And I'm spent. . .


BLESSD1 said...

I love you, Breez. Your powers of observation never cease to amaze me. LMAO@ "If you do stunts for Bruce Bruce, you can't sit next to me. Keep it moving, Leviathan." Hey...I sent you a message saying that I "heart"-ed something last week. Sorry Abigale. Neci spoils me with Father's Day gifts, so I'm good there, and thank the Lawd I don't have to try on bras...yet (I swear I think I'm at least a b cup; gotta hit the gym). Question: If you eat a weed brownie, do you still get the munchies? Very funny, excellent post, my dear.

Breez said...

Yeah, you heart things, but it is my prerogative to hand out pardons as I see fit. But don't get used to it!

And in answer to your question, I can't say that I've ever partaken of such a brownie. I don't play with my chocolate!

Clifton said...

Lately I have found myself becoming overly anal about the fact certain employees around my office will drink big ass cups of coffee but don't take the time to make a new pot when they take the last. I even when to my desk and made one of those signs to put up on the wall next to the coffeemaker. That's when I knew I had to seek some professional help for this coffee problem.

Another Conflict Theorist said...

Peace Sis,

Wow...this was written on July 28th. You haven't blogged in a very long time. Frankly, I'm disappointed.

Breez said...

But I have posted since the Roosevelt administration, so. . .