Thursday, March 23, 2006

The things you think, but won't say. . .or at least I haven't heard you

Ok, a while back, I read that Denzel and his wife were going splitsville. Now, I know folks act like he's the Messiah of Hollywood, but on the real, he's just a man. A talented man, but a man nonetheless. A man that may well have cheated on his wife, or whatever else they say contributed to the alleged marital dischord. A man that, (after I have waited a respectable amount of time) will need an ample bosom of comfort and a homecooked meal. Just putting it out there. Denzel, if you need some jambalaya, I got you.

Sunglasses indoors: you look STEWPID. I don't mean slightly tinted frames. I mean the 1985 "I Wear My Sunglasses at Night" shades. Particularly if they are white. That is the most ridiculous looking thing ever. Is there some obscure law that says that you must look like dog vomit to wear those things? *shudder*

I had a long discussion yesterday regarding the Nuva-ring. This handy dandy contraption is a ring that you vaginally insert and keep for a month. I'm going to repeat this, because I don't think you heard me: you insert and leave a foreign object in your vagina for a MONTH. What kind of funky crap is that? In the ads, there's this greenish aura-type ring that encircles the woman's midsection. I don't know how it is where y'all are from, but green auras never meant anything positive as far as I remember. That's just GROSS. *double shudder*

This is the year of the geriatric white woman. It's not enough that Sharon Stone, on the cusp of 50, is getting naked again; Kim Catrall is continuously perpetrating as though she is sexy (doesn't she look like she belongs in an ad for some type of disease? Herpes or melanoma or something. Plus that Family Guy spoof where the guy tried to have sex with her and she shattered? Priceless!); and when I go to re-up my MAC stash, I've got to gaze upon Catherine Denueve's Crypt Keeper-like visage when I'm paying. Ew. Does Sharon Stone look great for her age? Yes, however, when you have to start using that term, "for her age", that means it's time to stop flashing the old cooch on the big screen. Besides, we all know that it's the Erector Set and Crayola people keeping her together when all is said and done.

Once in a blue moon, I'll catch this show called "The Soup." (Didn't it used to be "Talk Soup" or something? Ah well.) I always manage to find a little snippet of entertainment when I happen upon this show. One in particular was when Tyra Banks was playing stripper for a day or whatever, then punked out because parading her scantily clad body around was too humiliating. She got all worked up, crying, blah, blah, blah. They immediately cut to a clip of her in her underwear on the VS catwalk. Tyra, I love you to pieces, but they got you hon!


BLESSD1 said...

MAN...whenever I see someone rocking sunglasses at night, I come to the conclusion, "Damn...I just must not be cool enough to even comprehend the concept!" LOL! I don't care if you spent $350 on some Gucci frames (and maybe b/c I'm a cheap-ass, but I'll think you a dunce if you do); I won't ever think that you're cool enough to pull it off either. LMAO at the green-aura! great post, silly-kins!

Peabo DeBarge said...

i guarantee basic instinct 2 will tank at the box office. oyu heard it here first.

Amadeo said...

Didn't the first basic instinct suck and only get press cause of the beaver shot?

Breez said...

@Blessd - I think it takes a really uncool mind to grasp such a concept, so I think you're good.

@miguel - yeah. i'll see your guarantee and raise you "worst movie of the year".

@amadeo - i can proudly say that i have successfully avoided that movie. between the white brawd flashing the nether region and micheal douglas exposing his butt cheeks, there was NOTHING there that would have made me think i would have a good time watching it.