Tuesday, December 18, 2007


Hey guys, it's your favorite cynic returning from a brief hiatus. It's not that I haven't had anything to say, it's not that I haven't had time, and it's definitely not that I don't love you. My computer desk at home collapsed (yes, collapsed, this is not an exaggeration) and since I have yet to replace it, I have to sit on the floor to use the computer. This makes my butt fall asleep, which hurts people. So, the blog has been lacking.

But fear not, I have some December jewels or you. It's winter, so you want something warm and fuzzy don't you? Well, fortunately for you, I'm a good mama, so I'm going to give you what you NEED: a heaping helping of my caustic mental gumbo. Please note the plethora of tags/labels here.

It would seem that prisons should make "The Shawshank Redemption" required viewing for their employees. Jose Espinoza, recently plead guilty to aggravated manslaughter, and Otis Blunt, was being held on robbery and weapons charges. Blunt dug a hole into Espinoza's cell. Espinoza dug a hole to the outside. I'm sorry; did I mention they were in the "most secure area of the facility?" The most secure area of the facility had one cinderblock separating an admitted killer from the great outdoors. Like Shawshank, they concealed their progress by covering the holes with bikini clad women. It was funny to watch the New Jersey prosecutor poo-poo the similarities. And by similarity, I mean that they did the exact same shit that was done in the movie. . .except it was more difficult for dude to get out in the movie. Two armed and dangerous criminals, who were kind enough to leave a thank you note to the prison, are now running loose in suburban New Jersey. AWESOME!

Meanwhile, in Iowa, John Edwards was involved in an exchange between an older white guy who essentially has no interest in Obama and the rest of his watermelon eating cronies leaving chicken bones on the White House Lawn. And uh, somehow, the O.J. verdict came up? Something about O.J. and Obama being payback for black mistreatment by white society. First of all, black people ain't fuck with O.J. like that since before "Naked Gun." I will have to defer (once again) to another quote from one of my favorite movies to wrap up my feelings on this.
Copperhead: You have every right to want to get even.
The Bride: No. No. To get even? Even-Steven? I would have to kill you, go up to Nikki's room, kill her, then wait for your husband to come home, and kill him. That would be even, Verntia. That'd be about square.
So don't think for one second payback, if such a thing were desired, would come so easily.

Pamela Anderson Lee Rock Salomon. She was married to Tommy Lee once. Then they separated, and reconciled and divorced. Wash, rinse, repeat with Kid Rock. So she married Rick Salomon in October, filed for divorce this past week, and they are now trying to work it out. Five dollars says what happens next. This proves only one thing: douchebags are unafraid of exposing themselves to sexually transmitted hepatitis. Then again, Kid Rock kind of reminds me of a cross between Pigpen and a petri dish. Who knows what he's had!

This past weekend, I watched the Lord of the Rings trilogy. Show of hands: who can watch these movies and escape the desire to smite someone's ruins upon a mountainside? Anyone? Anyone at all? That's what the hell I thought. Them shits are the BOMB!!!

As a pre-Christmas gift, I'm saving the best for last. I was caught in, what can best be defined as a nigga moment. I unapologetically offended someone. I firmly believe that every action has a reaction. I also believe that when a person feels you have wronged them, you can't control how they feel and/or respond. Unfortunately, that's not my fucking problem. Maybe I should elaborate.

I was involved in a conversation with two other coworkers, when the topic of hustlin' and slangin' somehow came up. I made the statement that such behavior is ignorant. I did know that one of those parties used to hustle. I did know that he would get a gleam in his eye at the mere mention of the name Rayful Edmond. I did not know that he was going to spontaneously menstruate at my desk. My firm conviction led me to be called "naive," "a slave to the man," "judgmental," "think you're better than people," and ultimately, my problem was diagnosed as "thinking I know every fucking thing." I'm hating on the hustlers for "grabbing the bull by the horns." In addition, since I work in the litigation department, what I do is no better than hustling, because "crime is crime, just because it's white collar crime doesn't make it any different."

Good argument. Crime is crime. And I'll be the first to say that ain't no thug like a corporate thug. I'll second that with saying that this justice system is deplorable. You know and I know that the right people lobbied for THEIR drugs, and they lobbied harder (i.e. paid off more people) to get their shit pushed and make their competitors shit illegal. I'll concede every bit of that.

Unfortunately for his argument, my job is not illegal. Unfortunately for his argument, my job is not the reason people look over their shoulders at the ATM. Unfortunately for his argument, my job is not the crutch that the middle and upper middle class "haves" use to justify why low income "have-nots" in New Orleans should be denied their homes. My job doesn't create chain snatchers, and orphans. My job does not lead people to the legal institutionalized slavery that is the United States Justice system.

Naive? No sir. I learned the rules to this game a LONG time ago. I think son was just pissed that this sheltered East Shore kid schooled his hustling ass to the game. But as Money Mike said, "You can lead a ho to water, but you can't make [him] think."


KreativeMix said...

Very interesting post!!!!

Breez said...

Interesting works, lol. Thanks for visiting!

BLESSD1 said...

WOW...so much I loves bout this post! LMAO at the Shawshank escapees! Yo...those ninjas left a letter? Too fartin' hilarious! Loving the Bride quote concerning OJ and Obama...Pam Anderson is SOOOO not the isht anymore, and you're right; I aint tryna park by TransAm in the Hepatitis-ridden trailer-park....you KNOW Lord of the Rings is a bad muhfuggin movie when they make Orlando Bloom's soft-ass look hard! LOL! And finally...you know cats will use any ol' excuse to excuse their felonious deeds. Hell...ask the prisoners of any jail, and you'll find more innocent men than what you'd have bet on...despite the drugs found in the house, the car, and they mama house. Great post, Breez!

Another Conflict Theorist said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Another Conflict Theorist said...

Peace and Pre-Christmas Blessings!

What's happening?

OK. First, this was an incredible funny and well-written post. Second, I was going to jump on your first two topics myself - Shawshank and "How're you going to stop the Negroes from realizing their comeuppance, Mr. Edwards?" Thankfully, I chose to go in another direction because I wouldn't have faired as well as you.

I realized, recently, that one can detect how big of a douche bag someone is by the degree to which he or she accepts the idea that it's better to have people saying bad things about you than saying nothing at all.

Do you know that Tolkien is known to have cried like a baby while writing of Smigel's demise?

Gotta love drug dealer apologists. Why not apply Marxist arguments to cats waging war on their own communities? Anything goes right? You're better than me, though. I just woulda told that cat that I don't argue with criminals.

Clifton said...

Hello Breez,

I guess Pam Anderson is to white cats what Janet Jackson used to be for brothers. Janet never got married every two months though.

The sad truth is that hustling is an accepted form of employment in certain parts of the community. You can tell because back in the day you could never get a hustler to admit he was one. That's the first thing anyone brings up as a reason to remove low income housing. After the week of comments over by my site I don't want to talk about housing anymore right now..lol.

I remember when two of my wanna be thug friends got jumped by the Eastshore posse.