Wednesday, July 27, 2005

This bugged me

This morning I read a "poem" pertaining to male discontent with the "independent woman." In recent months I've heard this repeated ad nauseum and it's got me a little uptight. Believe me, I'm as tired as the brothers of hearing every woman proclaim independence (particularly those living with relatives, married to governmental assistance or damn near prostituting themselves to pay their bills). However, as I said before regarding good men, most independent women are too busy doing the shit that makes them independent to toot their own horns. That being said, the following statement annoyed me: "INDEPENDENT=ALONE". What the hell?

If a sister spouts the ideology that she only has time for an "accomplished" brother, and she has not attained comparable accomplishments, she is enslaved to her own "knight in shining armour" mentality. She has neither pot nor window, but she's knows that "Mr. Right" is going to elevate her. It goes without saying that this woman is not independent.

When a single sister has attained certain accomplishments, and subsequently uses said accomplishments to berate and browbeat men, she also, is NOT independent. She is a ball buster. She is enslaved to her past hurts and the things that she has read which have convinced her that a man can do nothing for her. She is also enslaved to her own ego. So, for a brother to hold her up as a symbol of independence is flawed.

There is also folly in assuming that an independent woman is single and unhappy or, if she is married, her husband's life is a living hell. I've seen quite a few successful marriages where the woman is independent, yet considerate and respectful of her husband. I'm not referring to folks in my age group, but rather, a success that has been charted for ten years or more. A degree of independence is required, in my opinion, to uphold the vows of "in sickeness and in health." In the event that a husband becomes ill, one would think that he can rest easy knowing that his wife will step up and handle business for him. A truly indpendent woman would also recognize that communication is key in interpersonal relationships and therefore, would value the importance of communication in her marriage/committed relationship.

I can't overlook the fact that some independent sisters are busy. Since there's nothing more unattractive than a sister begging for bill money, having to handle business comes with the territory. That being said, if a sister doesn't find you engaging, she probably won't give you too much of her already precious spare time. This is not to say that something is wrong with you or that something is wrong with her. The two of you just aren't compatible. I can attest to the fact that when "it" is there, busy folks will make the time. So take heart and don't just label the sister because it didn't work out between the two of you.

I don't have an issue with folks liking what they like...but to demonize something merely because it is not your preference is very "blah" to me, because what they have done is taken a label and applied it acrossed the board. There are a lot of sisters who are independent and balanced and statements like that often detract from the accomplishments of those sisters.

1 comment:

BLESSD1 said...

OOH!!! Excellent post, Breez. You are SUCH a talented writer. You hit on so many good points that I wouldn't even know where to start! Strange', Breez...Strange'! LOL!