The Next Level

So it's time to start again. I'm here in Maryland, scared out of my wits. Scared that I'm not making the right decision. Scared that if I don't make this decision, then the decision that I actually make will be equally flawed, if not moreso. I've got about seven interviews scheduled this week, three tomorrow alone. When my plane landed at 12:05 p.m. and the flight attendant said, "Welcome to the City of Baltimore," my stomach dropped. I felt this sickening mixture of excitement and fear and I sort of had to fight the urge to cry. I think the fact that I will be so far from everyone and everything that I've always known is sinking in. My family has become quite supportive, so it's not that pressure.

I know that there is nothing for me in the South. This morning, in the course of bringing me to the airport, my sister was stopped for not signaling a turn and we were basically accused of being prostitutes. My 20 year old sister and I were asked to get out of our car and questioned at 4:15 a.m. by three white police officers. A third car sat and waited while the other officers questioned us. An older policeman spoke with my sister privately and told her that he received a complaint that she was soliciting. What pisses me of the most about this is that my sister is a very spiritual young lady and, in fact, still a virgin. What's silly is the fact that my sister was wearing her dress for her job as a teller at AmSouth. I'm guessing that the wardrobe of a whore varies greatly from that of a bank teller. The youngest officer was left with me and attempted to make conversation with me, I suppose to feel like the good guy. He got no such absolution from me. I did not make any eye contact with him and as much as I wanted to cry, I refused to give any of them the satisfaction. I'm in the process of drafting a letter to the police department in that area. Bitches. That being said, I'm officially done with the South. I'm not saying that white police are much better in other areas, but it is so ridiculously blatant in the South, it's beyond comprehension.

I'm praying that what I'm doing is the right thing. I have faith that things will work out for the best.

Untitled

I'm in this purgatory between sadness and elation and I'm not sure which way I should go. New Orleans is the platonic friend that you would never commit to, but when they're taken away all you can do is think, "Maybe I should have..." I always looked at relocating from the perspective of one that could always return home if this didn't work out. Now the question will become, where is home? My father isn't going back, my grandmother isn't going back, my friends aren't going back.

I'm really excited about the potential that a new city holds. I have some very solid job leads in the Maryland/DC area and that has me psyched, but there's this homesick part of me that doesn't want to be anywhere but at my home. I had a dream that my cousin and I were at The Loft just vibing and having a blast and this morning I woke up jonesed out for an overstuffed shrimp po'boy from We Never Close.

I'm hoping that at some point, wherever I am feels like home, a real home, to me. For right now though, I just feel sort of torn.

It Starts...

So begins the drama. I am going to smother at least two of my sisters in their sleep...I promise. On the one hand, my youngest sister is living by this odd code of diva-dom. However, she is the most flatulent diva I have ever encountered and she never stops talking. I love her to death, but she's campaigning for a few days in traction.

On the other hand, my second oldest sister is a mother hen who has decided that I should not leave this one horse town ASAP. Her thoughts are that I should establish things here, THEN move to my desired destination. This means that I will have roots here that I will have to pull up, as well as the unfinished business in New Orleans.

The thing is, my family sees me as this incompetent moron that can't function without my family peeping over my shoulder 24/7. I understand the concern, but it makes me wonder if they think I'm at home putting pennies in light sockets or what, but I'm more than a little annoyed by it. I've never been of the cut off my nose to spite my face sort, but situations like this make me see why an irrational person would.

The problem with staying with family so that they can "help" is this: help quickly turns into them running your life. I won't say that my life has been a bowl of cherries, but it hasn't been the pits either.

Oh well, blah for that. On with the job search. The Mayberry life is NOT for me.

In true Plantation Tradition

"Tell Marse Linkum fo to take his freedom back." That's pretty much what I'm waiting for the next boot licking, Bush loving negro to say. It's good to know that there are some folks in this world that still love them some massa! I'll bet at this very moment there's some Uncle Tom ass cat reading a Thomas Nelson Page poem and saying, "Nah dats how iss s'pose ta bes." I'm a firm believer in everyone being allowed to have their opinion, but I am also allowed to think that said believer is ill informed and possibly mentally deficient.

I'm not so unreasonable to say that this is all Bush's fault, but to not see that this is this administration's most blatant display of a lack of regard for black folks is utterly ridiculous.

Kanye West's Comments

[Kanye West]Appearing two-thirds through the program, he claimed “George Bush doesn’t care about black people” and said America is set up “to help the poor, the black people, the less well-off as slow as possible.”

“I hate the way they portray us in the media. If you see a black family, it says they’re looting. See a white family, it says they’re looking for food.”

Click here for full article

These were snippets from comments made by West at last night's fundraising event for Hurricane Katrina victims. There are those who could argue that West was unwise in choosing his forum for voicing this opinion. Honestly, it was nothing but the truth and it needed to be said. If they had issued the response that they'd given to the tsunami victims, the victims of EVERY other hurricane that hit Florida, 9/11, the earthquake victims in California, etc. (I could go on forever) there wouldn't have been a need for him to say that at ANY event. Poor folks (mostly black) have been living amongst the dead for going on a week now. They've been living amongst their own sewerage for going on a week now. People that need insulin, oxygen, dialysis, etc. have been without their medication and treatments for going on a week now. My stepbrother, as a cop, is still there. He said that the death toll, not from the storm or the flooding, but the waiting is in the HUNDREDS. They didn't get food or water. If any of you have ever been in New Orleans in August, you will know that the heat is no punk. From what I understand, the temps were up to 94, which probably made the heat index rise to 100+.

The only reason they received ANYTHING yesterday, was because Ted Koppel totally EMBARRASSED Michael Brown (I believe a FEMA representative) on Nightline Thursday night. Michael Brown actually said that he did not know that there were people without food and water. That is what they were crying out on EVERY news station. They said that help needed to be requested. Did the tsunami victims request help? Or folks from 9/11? Don't get me wrong, I am in NO way undermining those tragedies, but they are hallmarks of what CAN be done when the government wants to give a damn. If the government wanted to invade New Orleans, they could do it in two days TOPS.

The fact is, the government does NOT give a damn about what happens to a bunch of niggers. I have friends that are STILL missing. My son and daughter's family, I realized the other day, are still unaccounted for. On Yahoo's news site, there are two pictures: one of a young white couple that "finds" food in a local grocery store in New Orleans, the other of a young black man who "loots" food from a local grocery store in New Orleans. This man wasn't taking Nikes, computers or anything else. He was taking food because NOBODY saw the need to provide for almost 100,000 people stranded in one of America's most popular and culturally rich places. Because nothing was left but a bunch of niggers. It's not a pretty thing to say, it's not a nice thing to say, but it's the truth. In Mississippi and Alabama, the people were allowed to walk around the city. The people were allowed to take...scratch that, were GIVEN food, by the people of those states. In New Orleans, they were caged in like a bunch of animals. The National Guard that WAS there stood outside of the Convention Center with shotguns and would not allow the people to get out. What does that sound like a recipe for? Creating a bunch of "wild ass niggas" to parade in front of America so that the federal government can show their lack of action as justified.

There were reports of shots being "heard" and it was assumed that they were being fired at the rescue vehicles. No one gave thought to the possibility that the shots were being fired to get attention because it was someone who was desperate or, in fact, dying. And THAT, my friends, is how the media and the government twists things and in turn, it twists our minds because it is in our nature (mine too) to take what we hear and see and never give thought to the fact that the facts could be twisted. If you really think about what you see, yes, there are a bunch of wild, ignorant muthafuckas that are looting. But they're looping the same tape over and over and over again. There were two white boys looting too. I only saw each of them ONCE. There are THOUSANDS of people at the Dome and the Convention Center, and they're just sitting there. Not fighting, not doing anything but wanting help and dying in the process and it sickens me that the government is letting it happen.

So, could West have chosen a "better" forum for voicing his opinion? Maybe. But tell me when there is EVER the proper forum for saying the harsh things that need to be said.

Adventures in Shreveport

Now that I've become resigned to the fact that my home is a wasteland, I live in a place that REALLY makes me appreciate home. First of all I ain't NEVER lived in a place where the white folks wasn't in check. By that I mean, white folks don't NEEEEEEEEEVAH wreckless eyeball us around my block. In the mall, it was WWEE (white wreckless eyeball extravaganza). Nawwwwwwww cuzzin. Evidently, one gentleman of the flaming homosexual persuasion decided that I amused him so he went back and forth whispering to his friends and staring at me. So I asked him, "Are you from New Orleans?" and he responded that he wasn't. I responded, "I see. Because you're looking at me like you know me." Then gave him a look indicating that he obviously didn't. He's watched the news. He knows what a 9th Warder is capable of. That brought an end to the Breez Comedy Minute. Another brawd was eyeballing my sister. She's become accustomed to it. Not me cuzzin. So I stopped where I was and eyeballed her. I just want to know what the hell they are looking at? All I can say is that there are about 1,000 New Orleanians up here, so somebody is bound to get hurt with that foolishness. So I'll release this public service announcement: WHITE PEOPLE OF SHREVEPORT, KEEP YOUR EYES TO YOURSELF.

New Orleanians...Shreveport is not ready for you. Yall are coming out strong, but yall are coming out wrong. This is a time of need...a time of crisis. So, to the brother that I saw in the food stamp office wearing the pink hat, striped pink shirt, pink pants and pink gators, I appeal to the deepest regions of your soul - just stop it. You and your sister wearing the ten mile high hairdo with rhinestones in her hair and finished off with metallic Daniel Greene slippers and gold teeth. Please, just stop.

I live amongst wildlife. Not the squirrels, nutrias and occasional racoons tha tI'm accustomed to seeing. There are deer and wildcats around up in this piece. There is an animal that the locals have dubbed a "cacoon." It's some sort of wildcat witha big ass tail like a racoon. My sister said she saw a bobcat out here. All I know is that if I get accosted by one of those things, all HELL is gonna break loose as far as my scary ass is concerned.

Next to every interstate exit in Shreveport, there exists what I have dubbed "the valley of death." There is just this tremendous crater next to the interstate and oddly enough, there are no guard rails. Usually this is not a problem, but my sister (whom I love dearly and has been as sweet as can be throughout this entire situation) is more than a little spastic, so the fact that she rounds the curve next to the valley of death going 40 is more than a little disturbing.

My hair looks like Louisiana Goddamn! My hairdresser of course is no longer at my disposal. She's lasted longer than any of my relationships and NO ONE else was allowed to cut my hair. I'm praying that I can find someone that recognizes the difference between a request for a trim and a cut.

I'm saying all of that to say this...A SISTER NEEDS A JOB! I'm about to start combing the Agriculture and Forestry section of monster to get some income man. I don't see how the welfare queens do it. I have been home for a week and I'm about to lose my ever loving mind. I am accustomed to working, and as much as a job can be a pain in the ass, ain't nothing like having your own. I am looking at this as the opportunity to basically point at a map and decide, "I wanna go there." I can go wherever I want and start a new life. Soooooo, I'm taking all relocation suggestions. Holla at a sister. I am looking to get out of the south, so any input and job leads are appreciated. I'm an experienced legal secretary and my resume is at the ready. HOLLA AT ME! (That wasn't very professional was it?)

With all of that being said, the people hosting my family have been stellar. They've all pulled together to make sure that we're comfortable and well fed. My sister's sister-in-law makes a sweet potato pie that I'm pretty sure has crack in it, and she's making me one this weekend. My dad and I have decided that it's a plot for us to stay. We won't leave because we won't be able to move. She can keep playing - in a little bit we're gonna be snatching chains and standing outside of her door scratching asking when she's gonna make another pie. For that, I can forgive the wreckless white folks and the cacoon. Last week there was a fish fry sunday and a bbq monday. This weekend they've also got something planned. It's just beautiful man.