Friday, December 02, 2005

It's like that?

"I know somebody payin' child support for one of his kids
His baby mama car and crib is bigger than his."
- Kanye West "Golddigger"

Okay, this song is cool for entertainment purposes. However, I read a man's opinion of child support and it was somewhat unsettling. Among his gripes were the following:

There is no ceiling on child support

The mother’s baby has the full support of the Child Support Enforcement Agency, attorneys, agents and supporting cast and they have one mission: Drill him! Beat him down! Make him pay! Scare the hell out of him!

A warrant for his arrest can be issued against him at the drop of a dime, without any proof or legal standing. All the mother has to do is call the OCSE Office Of Child Support Agent and say these magic words, “He didn’t send me my money!”

Let me state for the record that I find he-bitch fits intensely unsexy. I find men that use exaggerations, panic tactics and lies to be complete idiots.

Let me say this. I am not so naive as to think that there are not people that get enjoy nothing better than busting a guy's balls because shit didn't work out. HOWEVER, to say that there is a mass conspiracy is pathetic. For every father that is bitching about child support payments, I'm willing to wager that there is a father that is straight up handling his damned BUSINESS.

There IS a ceiling on child support. A certain percentage of your income is taken. However, consider that if you are married with eight children, your disposable income will not be the same as when you were married with one. Therefore, if you decide to start downloading babies, the same principle applies. Your disposable income decreases.

It takes more than Sapphire-ish behavior to have a warrant issued and a driver's license suspended. It must be proven that a person is in arrears in the amount and/or time period deemed excessive by the state.

Now, one thing that was mentioned that concerned me, and that was the "playing Daddy" scenario. There ARE women that have babies for other men and for one reason or another, allow another man to raise that child as his own. One sub-scenario is that she's a skank and went with the "prime choice" (i.e., brother least likely to leave, with the heavier pockets, etc.) without his knowledge. The other sub-scenario is that the guy does in fact know that he is not the father, but makes a conscious decision to be the father in that child's life.

For obvious reasons, I won't even address the first situation. Personally, in this day and age, I'm not against DNA testing being standard for all pregnancies. There are some brothers that have gotten caught up in some bullshit behind a bad decision.

In the event that two consenting adults embark upon parenthood knowing that Daddy ain't Daddy, that can get a little tricky. The adults involved have to realize that this decision affects an innocent third party. The mother is precluded from pulling the "This is MY child" card, as is the father from pulling the "This is NOT my child" card when it comes to any decision making. This would also include custody if, for some reason, the relationship does not work out. I'm still on the fence as to how I feel about people doing this. I don't think it's a choice I would make, but I can only speak for myself.

On top of the initial comment, other men went on to comment on the gentleman's opinion as follows (I include my commentary on said comments in red):

THIS ONE IS THE KICKER -- A man needs to work overtime to be
able to live a decent livestyle after paying child support. He has
to pay HIGHER child support for his overtime hours, therefore, he
actually can easily take home less for working an extra 10-15 hours
a week than if he worked 40 hours.

The kicker? To quote the great animated philosopher Eric Cartman "What's the big fuckin' deal bitch?" My parents were together and BOTH of them worked overtime and grabbed side gigs when ish got tight. When I had to make ends, I held down a full time gig, slung Avon (used to run the bomb ass foot care specials) and scrubbed toilets to handle my business. It's not even a matter of manning up. Grow the fuck up. When you have kids, whether you like the other parent or not, playtime is over and you do what the hell you have to do.

I want to know what about the women who have these bastard babies just to bust some man's face and his bill fold. Who don't take good care of them and abuse the children....who just see it as a means of financial gain???? Many black women I know want to make all of these bastard/prison fodder babies who are usually born messed up due to alcohol and drug addictions, plot and plan to get a SSI check and usually end up as the umpteenth generation of ghetto trash. . .Black women seem to think it is their right to have these bastard money makers ad infinitum.

An interesting side factoid is that this dude is a pastor. Some Christians can really be something else. Point blank, there are some trifling hoes in this world. Of that, there is no dispute. There is also no disputing that coming from a single parent home can often stigmatize youth development. But that makes me ask this: why leave your kids with such a person. Let's say your child's mother is an abusive crackhead. What do you do? Drop them off after the visit with you and say "Good luck dodging blows and stepping over crack pipes. Holla back next Wednesday, aight?" I maintain that just as a woman knows she's dealing with a grimy dude, a dude knows that he's dealing with a grimy chick.

Let's be wild for a moment. If you meet someone and you can't see yourself being tied to this person for the rest of your days, DON'T FUCK THEM. You can wrap it up, pop pills, take the shot and use the rhythm method. However there is ALWAYS a chance that a kid can come from that situation. It's disturbing that folks care more about where they park their car than their genitals.

I think the flaw with my idea though is this: people meet, go out MAYBE twice, and the next thing you know, somebody is ass up in the back of an El Camino. You know...because they were "vibing". Yes, I know...we've all bought into that once or twice...or maybe every other Saturday, but I digress. Seeing the end result of such behavior should be a wake up call.

If a person finds themselves in a situation where the other parent is not holding their weight, then yes, being annoyed and even angry is appropriate. The fact that the two of you couldn't work out a relationship also makes the inability to see eye to eye at all times also understandable. However, to decide that forces beyond your control have conspired against you to either get you pregnant or make you pay for all these kids that you didn't want is stepping outside of reality and sanity.

I have seen more than a few examples of men and women that hold it down. I know women that receive enforced child support, but I also know women who never had to go through the system to receive it. I know men that go above and beyond what they are required to do. I know men that have kept the African village mentality and not only provide emotional support for their own child, but look out for their other siblings as well. I'm not saying that's a requirement, but that definitely shows there are some good brothers out there.

I'm the first to admit that child support can be a hot button issue for so many reasons, however, the main idea is to support the child. People can argue about what amount is fair and who is getting got ad nauseum, however, when it's detracting from time you can and should be spending with the CHILD, you need to rethink your position. How productive is constantly harping on how trife your ex-whatever is (and let me say off top that such behavior in front of your children, whether they are also that person's child or not is deplorable)?

We'll all have good days and bad days when we are tied to an ex through a child or children, but allowing the negatives to consume you is toxic. Let that shit go. Not only will that be damaging to you, but it impacts what you should be most concerned about: your children.


Desperately Seeking Truth said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Amadeo said...

Having worked at child support my concern is this (having seen it happen): The father doesn't mind paying, but the mother does something stupid with the buy the father a watch for fathers day that costs a couple hundred. He's pissed cause he basically bought himself a gift out of money meant for the child. Sucks...much...this was a true story.

Tif said...

I'd like to say that I'm not familiar with child support laws although I have a child outside of my relationship, I do know that you are wrong in that a woman can get a warrant drawn up for a man for ANY reason- well in this state anyway and they will swoop in and arrest you, charge you thousands of dollars in bail and figure out the rest later. My beef with child support/alimony is the percentages-- I think Puffy was paying 12K at one time in child support. Some families don't live off 12K a year-- what did lil justin or whoever need to survive that cost 12K??? I think Martin Lawrence's payments may have been more than Puffy's.

Breez said...

Tif, first, thanks for visiting my spot. I respect that you have your opinion. Unfortunately, it's not one that I'm buying. Is the system screwed up where things are often polarized, sure. But to say that a woman can have a man arrested for dice cuz. Stay cool.