Friday, November 09, 2007

Basket Case

"Do you have the time to listen to me whine
About nothing and everything all at once
I am one of those
Melodramatic fools
Neurotic to the bone
No doubt about it
Sometimes I give myself the creeps
Sometimes my mind plays tricks on me
It all keeps adding up
I think I'm cracking up
Am I just paranoid?
I'm just stoned..."
- "Basket Case" Green Day

So for the past three months or so, I've really thought that I was slowly losing my mind. Murphy's Law reigned my domain. I thought it was an evil ploy. I thought the cosmos had convened and my fate had been decided. I thought that it WAS as bad as I thought and they WERE out to get me.

It all came to a head Monday night. It was seemingly innocuous. Finge checked the mail over the weekend, and somehow, neglected to return the house key to me. I did not discover it was missing until Monday morning. Thank God for the thug in me, because I had to leave home without the key and break into my house that evening. Monday night, I searched my house from top to bottom. Still no key. I broke.

No. You don't understand. I really broke. Over my fucking keys. I searched my house, for three hours, to no avail. I talked to my younger sister, who basically said, "pull it together before I beat the hell out of you." Then, she sent me to bed. For real ya'll. The only thing I was allowed to do was take my shower and go to bed. I turned on the television. She called me back and asked, with bass in her voice I might add, "You have the television on?"

It was just like everything had finally come crashing down on me, and I couldn't take it. I couldn't deal with my kids, my job, my friends. My heart was breaking into a million different pieces for a million different reasons, and I could get a handle on not ONE of those situations. So I went to bed.

And it was Tuesday morning. I woke up, got ready, did my hair (ravashing) and make-up (flawless). It was then that a remembered a quote contained in an email I received a long time ago:

When you feel that nobody loves you,

Nobody cares for you,

And everyone is ignoring you,

You should really ask yourself...

Am I TOO sexy?


BLESSD1 said... are TOO sexy...and that's why THEY are all conspiring to get you. I'm sorry...there's nothing you can do about it. Appreciate the hate and keep it moving! LOL! I hope better luck finds you, doll. Be blessed!

Another Conflict Theorist said...

Never underestimate the healing power of a good (minor) nervous breakdown.

It sounds as if you really needed to lose it over SOMETHING and your psyche picked the most banal thing it could - not the kids, not the friends, not the job, but the keys. You can thank your mind for that one. Imagine if you'd lost it at the workplace. You'd be sexy and unemployed.

By the by...perhaps one of the precursors to this little breakdown was the development of a 17-posts-a-day habit. Not hatin'. Just sayin'.

Another Conflict Theorist said...

Maybe I am just a liiittle jealous, though.

jali said...

I had a "why me" evening last night. Reading all these new posts is my therapy.

Hope you're feeling better today.

Breez said...

@blessd - thanks...but you're just saying that because you love me. it's like hearing it from your parents. of course, that in no way invalidates it! ((((hugs))))

@act - i SO agree. if it wouldn't have been over the keys, it would have been over soy milk or some such other nonsense. i think my posting obsession is my way of purging. but don't be a hater like grandad freeman (TELL me you've been watching the boondocks!) btw (as you have joined blessd as my brother in cartoonage) when does avatar replay? the last two friday nights i've come home and passed out.

@jali - those episodes are SO necessary sometimes. the triggers can be so simple. on the way home after a long week though, this brother that rides the bus with us told me how he admired how well behaved my kids were and how he respected me for holding it down. little things like that really make a difference. keep your head up sis.

Another Conflict Theorist said...

Peace Sis,

I HAVE been watching The Boondocks. I thought The Story of Thugnificent - though it had its moments ("Did you just congratulate me for reading?")- was the worst one of the new season.

Also, um, here's the thing: 1) the new episodes of Avatar don't replay. I haven't been able to catch them AT ALL after they're first shown and 2) the most recent one, The Puppetmaster, was probably the best episode I've ever seen. No bullshit. I've seen *dork alert* every single ep and this one took shit to another level. If I can find it online I'll send you the link.

Another Conflict Theorist said...


This website has episodes that haven't even aired yet...including when Aang 'n' nem invade the Fire Nation.

Did I come through or what?

Breez said...

AWWWWWWWWWWW SOOKIE!!!! dude, i don't care WHAT they say, you aight!

BLESSD1 said... could you not like all of that Thug-nificence?!!! You're supposed to breathe it in...Bask in it! LOL!