Friday, November 30, 2007

What's Good in My Hood

The Whip: Last week when I won my car, I was on the verge of tears, but I didn't cry. I was really just overwhelmed. However, this morning, when I watched the woman receive her car, I started bawling. Life has been so much easier with the aid of my new baby though. My free $15 gas card gave me 3/4 of a tank, so though the gas station ass raping is certain, it will be more Ryan Seacrest and less Lexington Steele.

Hot Steaming Relations: It's been a while since I've had sex. I'm not saying I qualify as a female eunuch, but seasons have changed and shit. But given my general disinterest in dating at the present time, combined the report that 37.5% of HIV occurrences in DC stem from heterosexual contact, I guess I'll stick to masturbation, chocolate, the gym, shoe shopping and, um, masturbation.

Good Ass Television: For those of you looking for good television, now is the time to reacquaint yourself with "Law & Order: Special Victims Unit." This has been a stellar season. I know that some were getting burned out on Mariska Hargitay, but now that she's finally received her Emmy, they're giving us a break. Additionally, "Life" (Wednesday, 9:00 p.m. EST) is delightful.

The Math Master: Last night, I asked Finge how he was doing in school, and questioned him about math. His reply? "I'm sorry, are you talking to me? Are you asking ME about math? ME? The MATH MASTER?"

Neck Tattoos: Color me judgmental, but I find it hard to believe that one has a serious life plan in place when you have "Sexy Black" tattooed on your neck. Other people's names and Asian symbols are even worse. I'm not taking your seriously. I'm not.

Husband Auditions: My homeboy has opined (and I am inclined to agree) that women past a certain age do not so much date, as they audition husbands. To a certain extent, I have done that. Not that I'm in a hurry to walk down the aisle and such, but I have to honestly weigh out, "Can I tolerate the fact that he always corrects my sentences/scratches his ass in public?" and shit like that. Another homeboy of mine stated that more women would do well to do so. With that, I'm on the fence. When you treat every man like a "prospect" you WILL find a husband. However, this does not guarantee you will find the husband that you want. Caveat emptor.

Being Alive: While in conference with my brother from another mother, I was telling him about my blues. His response was that I've been so busy surviving and I need to start living. And, though that sounds right, I haven't got the first clue where to begin. But I'll be damned of the prospect of beginning that journey in my brand new car doesn't sound positively delicious!


Clifton said...

There are so many things to comment on here....

I can't believe they only gave you 15.00 of gas.

Goodluck with the chocolate.

Doesn't a neck tattoo basically signal to everyone that you have no plans to climb the corporate ladder?

Great post

Breez said...

well, they did give me half a tank of gas to start out with, plus the gas card. oh yeah, and the car lol.

i can deal with a lack of motivation to climb the corporate ladder, because that's not for everyone i suppose. but something about taking a needle in your neck is rather unsavory. and kinda tells me, "yeah...i been to prison/slash tires/stalk." said...

I LOVE "the Math Master"! How old is he?

I'm still excited about your car and the big $15 bucks!

BLESSD1 said...

HOORAY for the new car! Mad at the Math Master! Aint nuthing wrong with self-loving. My homie always says "masturbation is self-improvemnt"! LOL! So...the the neck tattoo I was contemplating, "Dat Fiyah Ass Yella Boi on Fiya" isn't a good idea? And I so agree with that bright fellow telling you to LIVE rather than just being alive :-)

another conflict theorist said...


The Whip: Lexington Steele, huh?

HSR: I recently read about HIV and DC. Disappointed but not shocked. I'm just glad that the article I read didn't mention the whole, overblown "downlow" phenomenon.

GAT: I've tried several times to enjoy Law & Order and I just can't do it. First, I don't like the self-conscious acronym "SVU." That shit ain't cool. Second, I can't take Ice-T seriously as anything but a pimp. Finally, something about cops solving crimes within an hour makes me want to choke the shit out of somebody. Maybe they should let Ice-T's character solve Big's murder.

The Math Master: You know what I thought about when I read this right? "I'm the foot fuckin' MASTER!"

Neck Tats: Simply put, I've made it a rule not to fuck with anybody with a neck tattoo. A neck tattoo is street shorthand for "I got nothing to lose."

Husband Auditions: This is tricky. Especially because I've found the following three things to be true about relationships.
1) You can make it work with just about anyone for a short period and
2) You can fuck it up with just about anyone after a while. That being said, instead of outright auditioning, I would concentrate on looking for deal breakers because
3) No matter how cool they come across, everyone gives you some early insight into their true character. It's up to us what we do with the information.

Being Alive: Start out in a quiet room. Everyone's looking for the magic bullet with regard to living right. I've found that just having some place to go where I don't have to scream in my head for people to shut the fuck up works wonders. Not coincidentally, the more times I'm able to got to a quiet space, the less I feel like throwing a "check hook" at a nucka.

Breez said...

I wasn't surprised about the HIV rate either. I know of more than a few "condoms optional" folks, and it's rather scary.

Whenever I see neck tats, I think of Charlie Murphy's character on the Mad Real World, "My name is Tyree and, yeah, I been to prison!"

I think you're right about the husband thing and being alive. My friends have absolutely forbidden me from purchasing a cat, because they don't want me to turn into "that lady."

Breez said...

As far as Ice T solving Big's murder: "MARISKA HARGITAY CAN'T RAP!! I WANT JUSTICE!!!"

Breez said...

I'm delinquent on responding to my comments. He's eight, turning nine on Monday...and wearing a SIZE 7 men's shoe. WTF?