Sunday, November 18, 2007

Whoa, that was angry...

"I been sayin' that shit for years. And if you ever heard it, it meant your ass. I never really questioned what it meant. I thought it was just a cold-blooded thing to say to a motherfucker before you popped a cap in his ass. But I saw some shit this mornin' made me think twice. Now I'm thinkin': it could mean you're the evil man. And I'm the righteous man. And Mr. 9mm here, he's the shepherd protecting my righteous ass in the valley of darkness. Or it could be you're the righteous man and I'm the shepherd and it's the world that's evil and selfish. I'd like that. But that shit ain't the truth. The truth is you're the weak. And I'm the tyranny of evil men. But I'm tryin', Ringo. I'm tryin' real hard to be a shepherd."
- Jules Winnfield [Samuel Jackson] "Pulp Fiction"

So, um, wow, that last post ended on kind of a sour note. I broke my rules and altered the post, for the sake of my own dignity more than anything else. The fact remains I'm still angry. And maybe the anger is unfair, and maybe were one to hear the other side of the story, I would come out looking like a complete bitch. If so, I'll BE that. But I think I have the right to be angry, considering after constant reassurance, I get dumped by email and never hear from dude again.

And maybe he has his reasons, and maybe this is a shitty way to air my dirty laundry. But you know what? That was a shitty and fucked up way to handle me, so for now, I am going to pout and stomp my feet and be angry for a little while.

Admittedly, do I have a million other things going on that are exacerbating my issues? Sure. But this is my blog, and I'm going to say what I want on it.

Part of me is thankful, because if a person can walk away so thoughtlessly, well, good fucking riddance. But it's still hurtful and it's still fucked up and it's still shitty. And SICK. Most of all, THAT SHIT IS SICK AND MEAN. And for the record, I'm trying REALLY hard to be the shepherd. I swear I am. But sometimes, it's necessary to be the tyranny of evil men, just to keep yourself from exploding.

Please note, I'm not posting this for "men ain't shit" commentary (though I don't think my female readers subscribe to that theory anyway) nor do I want sympathy. I really just wanted to purge in my own space and be done with it, because I'll be damned if I'm going to ruin my fucking Sunday sniffling and choking back tears all day...fucking up my pedicure and shit.


jali said...

NOT a shitty way to air laundry.

Much better than shooting off someones balls. Or making an ugly scene. Or drunk dialing.

He simply isn't worthy of you. His loss.

Another Conflict Theorist said...


Anger ain't the half. I'm surprised that more cats aren't getting the eunuch treatment.

Breez said...

lol, no scenes, definitely no shooting of the balls/creating eunuchs.

i've really never been one for all that, and if you look at the history of my blog, it's rare that bare that part of my soul in such a manner. i'm not trying to become the kung-fu killer wolf bitch. but sometimes i've gotta vent...publicly...where people can comment...this can NOT be healthy.

bint alshamsa said...

Girl, you do realize that this is YOUR spot, right? It's the one place where you get to say whatever the hell you want to say without being interrupted. You better take advantage of it because if you hold it all inside and then go all bonkers, I'll be the first one up there to come and rescue the two munchkins...especially the one we pumped full of that Dinty Moore stew back in the day!

Breez said...

this is so true, bint. it's sort of like that theory that you shouldn't hold in your farts because they build up and that's where shitty ideas come from.

but you KNOW me, and you know that as rowdy as i am, i won't make an emotional scene. but, you are correct in that i need to vent.

Anonymous said...

Sometimes, just because someone doesn't love you as you would like, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have
(or some shit like that).

Breez said...

this is true.

i don't believe in coercing someone to do something they can't/aren't interested in doing.