Tuesday, January 08, 2008

Celebrity Hodge Podge and Other Stuff

Beyonce is a beautiful woman. She's got a dynamite body. Her singing voice is that of the angels. So can someone please tell me what the fuck happens when she starts talking? I know I wasn't the only one who thought, "If this girl is the 'leader' of the group, why is Kelly doing all the talking." Uh...we found out. In and of itself, big damn deal. Nobody's perfect. She can't enunciate. But how in the hell does she keep getting gigs as a spokesperson? Right now, she's got L'Oreal, DirecTV, and American Express. I won't count the fragrance, because she's singing, and she can do the hell out of that. I'm taking bets on how many takes she had to run through before she properly pronounced "infallible." Sometimes she talks and I can't help but think, "Is this heffa about to rob me?" I'm not hating the player, but I'm definitely questioning the game.

Maybe if Reggie Bush would have pulled himself from betwixt the rump cheeks of Kim Kardashian, the Saints could have gone to the damned playoffs. That thing is clearly a distraction.

I saw a picture of Sean "Puffy" Combs' (that Negro will ALWAYS be Puffy to me) twin girls. They are quite adorable. However, it would seem they eat other babies. Great day in the morning they're fluffy. Let me say that the sight of them in cheetah print light years beyond country. But what do you expect when they're mother is the Bamma Drag Queen of the Undead. (Say what you will about Puffy, I am hard pressed to believe that he sanctioned country ass cheetah print on toddlers.)

I enjoy cooking shows. I really like Paula Deen, even though she scares me sometimes. Adding short ribs to french onion soup was really a bit much for me. I like that she's somewhat off the beaten path, and her meals are doable. Doable and drenched in butter. I believe that simply watching her show raises your cholesterol.

On the opposite end of the spectrum - who in the hell did Rachel Ray blow to get a job? (A friend relayed a funny story about a guy not wanting a BJ from Rachel Ray because she'd probably talk through the whole thing.) I understand the whole "meals for everywoman" mentality, because not every woman is a cook. But is this bitch really getting paid for showing me how to warm up a Hot Pocket?

When I first moved to Maryland, I documented on this very blog my hatred for Ikea. I believe I named it "Satan's Workshop" or something of the sort. Quite frankly, furnishing your house with them can be hellacious. But there is no denying that their annual winter sale commercial is entirely off the chain. The way she "runs" is priceless, and her husband looked like he was was about to shit his pants.

Does consuming "the sacrament" of Bill Clinton make one an experienced politician? If so, shouldn't that fat pasty bitch from back in the day be running for mayor? (For the life of me, I can't remember her name...Monica something? Monica Selles keeps popping up, but I know that's the tennis chick.)


Amadeo said...

Kim K's butt cheeks are distracting...Bush get's a pass on that.
Paula Deen is going to die on air from a heart attack. I think she put's butter in everything.

Another Conflict Theorist said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Another Conflict Theorist said...

"Her singing voice is that of the angels."

You're not serious are you? You can't mean this. Put simply: this chick ain't Ella Fitzgerald. I have to cosign the comment about her slurring her speech, though. She talks like she's got a mouth full of rocks.

What I don't understand about Reg Bush is why he would publicly date a chick who was filmed with Ray J's dick in her mouth? That's not cute. This cat is a professional athlete and an insta-millionaire but he's cleaning up after Brandy's little brother. I guess people like me aren't meant to understand celebrity coupling.

Breez said...

@ Amadeo - he does NOT get a pass on letting ass cheeks impede playoff hopes. 7-9 is really unacceptable.

@ ACT - And now I have the desire to sing, "Awwwwww WAITAMINUTE!"

She's no Ella, but she's not Tiny Tim either. I believe that she does have a beautiful singing voice. I'm not necessarily a "fan," but I don't think she's a no talent hack either.

BLESSD1 said...

FUN-NY post, Breez! @ ACT...as far as I understand, Bush "knew" her in college at USC, and she "took care" of the brutha financially...and in other ways too, I'd imagine. She's a cold piece of work, but for real...I don't think I wanna be flossin Ray J's babies out for ANYBODY! LOL! And yeah...Bey IS retonto, but the broad can sing! EXCELSIOR!!!