Thursday, February 09, 2006

From Metro, With Love

To my sisters in the fat struggle: I'll share recipes, secrets, hell, I'll even share food. However, one thing we cannot share is a seat on the bus. I am well aware of the fact that I have a whole lotta ass. Therefore, when I see one of my Rubenesque sisters already in a seat, I keep it moving because I know the even though the Lord makes a way where there ain't no way, some things He really just shakes his head at. To the sister that was huffing and puffing next to me this morning, you know that our asses were big when you sat down. All you did was make yourself mad. I'm not twisting up MY parts just because you failed to use common sense. Move to Glenmont if you want preferential seating heffa.

To all of you runners: WAKE UP ON TIME!! As long as I have been an employed woman, I have done either one of two things: 1) Display bomb ass skills that make my bosses adore me, so coming in late sometimes isn't necessarily an issue; or 2) Make sure that I leave my house with more than enough time for wiggle room so that I am not completely flustered and annoyed rushing into work. I saw this brawd come within centimeters of knocking down this old lady. WE are not late. You are. Therefore, don't expect everyone on the platform to run because you're running.

Rude Ass People: Does it hurt to say good morning or thank you to the person handing out the Express paper? DAMN! Don't make me talk about cell phone users. SHUT THE FUCK UP! I don't care that your baby-daddy-cousins-auntie-sister-friend-homegirl-great-uncle-twice-removed-on-the-black-hand-side has two women pregnant at the same time. Maybe I should start adding my own commentary, just to spice things up. I wonder how long the convo would last. You know. . . since now I've gotten all up in their business.

Beggars with attitude: A couple of weeks ago, a dude walked up to me outside of the Metro and straight up said, "I need a dollar." WTF? No joke, he said it with such conviction, I paused a second to question whether or not this man loaned me a dollar and was there to collect. Once I gathered my wits, I was barely able to spit out that he wasn't getting a dollar from me. What part of the game is that madness? A week before, a dude walked up to the group I was walking with, rolled his eyes and said, "Look, ya'll got change?" Though I don't believe that one should be cartwheels and smiles when they are homeless, something about the "bitch betta have my money" approach is ALL wrong. I've SEEN Slickback my brother, and you ain't him.


BLESSD1 said...

Oh I have missed your posts! LMAO of at "my Rubenesque sisters". For real...where do you come up w/this shit?! LOL! Keep up w/the excellent writing, sexy.

Peabo DeBarge said...

though this may sound like a lie, it really happened...

a couple years ago, i was with a couple buddies of mine, and we stopped at blockbuster to drop off some dvd's my homie had rented. now, there was this chick outside asking for change(actually, she said "gimme 3 dollars, i'm hungry.", but we let that slide). seeing as how we had been playing ball at the gym, none of us had any cash on us, wallets were in the car. my boy greg had some chicken with him (walking and eating, how ghetto is that ? lol), cause he made us stop at kfc 2 blocks earlier. anyway, he says to her "look, i don't have any money on me right now, but you can have this chicken i just bought", and she looks him in the eye and says "i don't want no goddamn chicken, nigga !" i was in tears i was laughing so hard. but from that point on, for at least a year, whenever greg saw her, he made it a point to say "hey, fuck you" whenever she asked us for change, lol. it was sooooo wrong, yet hella funny.