Monday, August 01, 2005

Today's Nominee for the "Most Deserving of Copious Blows to the Body With a Sack of Nickels" Award

Some people are just gasping for it. I don't want to kill anyone...just give some folks the beating of their lives. Here's today's nominee:

At work we received a fax and the cover sheet indicated that there were two pages. We only recieved that page. So my boss called the office to say, "Hey, we're missing page two. Would you mind re-sending the fax?" The receptionist said, "No problem. I'll give his secretary a note so that she can send the fax." This story should end with us receiving a complete fax on Monday (today). Notice I said "should".

This morning I received a call that went a little something like this:

Good morning. ___ ____'s secretary please.

This is his secretary 'Breez'.

Hello. This is ___ of ___ ___'s office calling regarding the ___ matter. Our office received a call from Mr. ____ stating that he did not receive page two of my fax. Do you know anything about this?

No, I don't, but if you'd give me a moment, I can find out for you.

Well, he said that he didn't receive the entire fax, but I only sent two pages.

(There is a pause as I wait for her to shift into common sense drive. She does not.)

Well, though he's not here, I will assume that means he only got the cover sheet, but I can check on that if you like. (Another pause waiting for the common sense reserve to kick in. Again, nowhere in sight.)

But I only sent two pages.

Ok, please hold while I check the file.

Hi ___? Yes, we only received the cover page, would you please send page two?

*sigh* Okay.

Thank you for calling.

Here is my question: What parallel universe does this woman live in? And did she go on record expressing her inability to count to two? In the effort that it took to make that phone call, she could have filed it under the "shit happens" category and resent the second page of the fax. Her incredulous tone was particularly annoying. As though there was no way in hell that we could be missing the second page. What was even more annoying was that our fax machine prints the number of pages received at the top of the page, and our printout read "Page 1 of 1". So basically, she only sent one page.

If this world were mine, my end of the convo would have gone something like this:

____, stop being a moron. I know where you work and this conversation has me prepared to get into my car, go to your job and beat you within an inch of your life. You were told that page two was not received. That being said, whether you sent two pages, or two thousand, our fax is sans page two. Obviously, actually doing your job is not a strong point, because the fax would either have been sent properly in the first place or you would have sent it again without question. However, do you realize how much extra "work energy" you've expended making this inane phone call? Right now you could be talking to Cindy or Buffy or whoever about your weekend while filing your nails and plotting your next cigarette break. Instead, you're stuck on a phone with me trying to locate the fax that never was. Do us both a favor. Do your job right the first time so that you won't have to "work" twice in the future. But in the meantime, get off your ass and send me my damned fax...and a banana cognac BEYOTCH!!

Ahhhh, if I ruled the world...


BLESSD1 said... and your damned banana cognacs! LOL! You are SUCH a yak-ass for that post! I LOVE IT!!! If I get fired for laughing out loud, you know I'm coming to move in with you and the tykes, right?

Excellent post. Excelsior!

Amadeo said...

Evey office should have a "Speak the Truth Day" where you get to let people know they are stupid...and to what degree.

Courtney said...

Loved it. Haha. I'm going to add you to my daily reads, i'm new to blogger, hope you don't mind. <3333