Friday, May 06, 2005

Cyber-thuggin and Whatnot

I love the internet, really, I do. I have gathered information, shopped, laughed, cried and wandered through the psyches of some pretty interesting folks. Through this medium, I have made a great friend (hugging my Ghetto Soul Twin) researched religious beliefs, obtained educational materials for my kids and learned the real definition of a Dirty Sanchez. (Bows graciously to Humanity Critic.) All in all, I can't really complain about it. However, there is an element pervading the internet that makes it undesirable.

Allow me to preface my rant by stating for the record the following fact: I'm a smart ass. That's something about me that probably won't change. There is nothing I take more pleasure in than shutting a moron, what is known as, the fuck up. There are days that it makes me tingle in places that I didn't even know existed. I know that it gets on peoples nerves, but ask me if I give two craps?

In an effort to spread my joy nationwide, I've joined a few Yahoo discussion groups. They can be informative, but more often than not, the groups are littered with disillusioned pseudo-intellectual desk jobbers, psychos with virtually no social skills and the unemployed masses -who have nothing better to do than bump their gums on the 'net. OCCASIONALY, you find a cool person, or someome who actually has something to say. All too often, discussions turn into overly emotional free for alls, logic loses it's foothold and wackiness ensues. Enter the cyber-jerk.

This type of person is tangled in the world wide web in various forms. All forms are both entertaining and annoying. Therefore, you don't know whether to laugh or slap the shit out of them.

You've got your cyber thugs who, when you disagree with them, say dumb shit like "I got heat for bitches like you," and "Yo you don't want it with me." WTF? How exactly did we get here? Give me a second and a half to shake in my cyber boots. Here's a helpful hint, real thugs, you know, the ones that should actually be feared, are too busy living the life of a ruffian to jump on the net and cyber-threaten.

Then there are the folks with cyber-issues that put their bullshit problems on the net a la "I caught my boyfriend cheating and I don't know what to do. Please help." Yet, the first voice that pipes up telling her to kick his philandering ass to the curb gets, "You don't know my man. We've been through so much." I'm sorry, I thought you wanted my opinion, not an amen to stand by the dude that had unprotected sex with his third baby's mama. Please beg MY pardon. Better yet, get some friends that you can actually see in person and ask them for advice.

One of my favorites is the illiterate intellectual. This person is an endless fountain of knowledge. Unfortunately, they can't spell one word of it. One lady went so far as to grossly misspell a word, then she defined it - you know, for the dummies that didn't know what the word meant. Typos and misspelling words aren't really biggies in and of themselves, however, when the person is trying to be a smart ass, or worse yet, gets angry when someone gives them the correct spelling, they fall under the category of cyber-jerk.

Every group consists of the obligatory cyber-sphincter. This person takes pleasure in regurgitating controversial, illogical opinions, simply to get a rise out of the group members. This person is usually an extremist in some way: complete chauvinist, ultra-conservative, ultra-liberal, man-hater or just your run of the mill curmudgeon/witch. It's obvious why the 'net is a hang-out for this sort. No real, sane person would spend five minutes in their company.

The cyber-sexual annoys me. This person is also known as also known as hot mama and sugar daddy. Virtually every post has a sexual reference. They make no bones about sharing how talented they are sexually. What they WOULD do for their man/woman is in heavy rotation in their conversations. However, they just NEVER seem to have a relationship. I urge these folks to set a personal goal: refrain from attempting to e-screw every screen name they encounter and see how exciting REAL life can be.

Basically, these people take the 'net way too seriously. It can really go too far when the owner of a group fits into this category. Once, for respectfully voicing my opinion, an owner gave me a "warning" and any further infractions (i.e. my disagreeing with him and not allowing him to talk to me like he removed me from his shoe) would result in my being banned. Of course my response was "Fuck you, so what?" Did he think he was going to have me exiled to Siberia?

When you get on the net, it is possible that people will talk shit about me, maybe spread rumors, etc. Maybe they'll do it over my head, maybe directly to my face. You know what? So what. It's truly not that serious.

1 comment:

Danja said...

i hear u
people come to the net with issues and they cannot handle real life situations. they come here to vent their frustrations with society's rejection of their lameness.


all of em.