Monday, May 23, 2005

Hype That I Just Don't Buy Into

I believe that Steve Harvey said it best when he made the statement, "White people...always in a hurry to jump on some bullshit." I'm all for liking what ya like, but sometimes, they take it too far. When white folks love something, the grab onto with with pitt bull ferocity and shake the shit out of it. For example:

"What the fuck is a Renee 'Zellwedger'?" Why is this woman one of Hollywood's biggest actresses? Ever since she exploded onto the scene in the incredibly corny "Jerry Maguire" (Where Black America got to cringe at Cuba Gooding, Jr. show himself to be Coon Supreme. Regina King was the ONLY thing that redeemed that movie in my opinion.) white folks have not been able to stop singing her praises. I don't think she's particularly bad, just so ridiculously generic I can't help but ask myself "Whyyyyyyyyyyy?" The bits and pieces that I saw of Bridget Jones were cute, but to me it was really an "Insert Random Actress Here" type of thing. The fact that she looks like a Picanese makes her fame even more difficult to comprehend.

That brings me to her "Cinderella Man" co-star Russell Crowe. Will somebody wash his greasy ass please? He has got to be the dirtiest looking so-and-so I've seen in all my days. Granted, I preferred him to that Fire Marshall Bill looking guy in "L.A. Confidential", and "Gladiator" was enjoyable because of the ass kicking and whatnot, but he just seems to play the same dude over and over. That's not a sign of ground breaking talent to me. Again, I don't think he's a BAD actor, just not anything great.

I have not been swept up by the "Desperate Housewives" (i.e. "Sex in the WASP-y Suburbs") craze either. My rule of thumb is this, if I look at a random television show and I go five minutes without seeing a black face, I lose interest. I see white folks all day long. I'd like some color in my free time, thank you very much. For all I know, it's a great show, but watching a bunch of white women fuck around for an hour is not my idea of entertainment.

Jumping off the Huey P. Long bridge and slitting my wrists and throat on the way down is more appealing than the mere idea of watching a Dr. Phil anything. As if his stupid ass talk show wasn't enough, he gets these one hour specials where he can berate people on prime time television as well. He's a loud mouthed bully as far as I can tell. To say that he is an ass is a gross understatement.

The Tom Cruise-Katie Holmes union kind of grosses me out. They keep publicizing that she used to dream about marrying Tom Cruise...but what they neglect to repeat is that she was in grammar school and he was a grown ass man. Why are folks not just seeing this for what it is? A lecherous sugar daddy that snapped up a sweet young thing while he's going through midlife. It's gross I tell ya...just gross.

The pitiful tone of the commercial has ruined my daughter's chances of ever setting foot in a Build-a-Bear Workshop. What kind of loser ass Daughter of Frankenstein kid are you? The girl is sitting in her room singing and looking supremely lonely and unloved when her mom eventually comes in and says "Since your bitch ass is to mousey to have even one friend, let's go make this stupid bear." At least that's what I got out of it. When I tell my kids to make friends I don't mean CREATE them. That's just weird to me. Her simulating single parenthood with one of those damned Cabbage Patch Kids is more than enough for me. I draw my line in the sand at Build-a-Bear.

And I'm equally adverse to those stupid ass Yu-Gi-Oh cards for my son. First of all, every male figure on that cartoon looks ambiguously gay or like the Spawn of Satan. I didn't jump on the SpongeBob Squarepants is gay bandwagon, but men with Farrah Fawcett hair wearing eyeliner definitely concern me. I'm sure there are folks that disagree with me but to them I say "Fuck you. Get your own damned kids."

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.


Danja said...

right i feel u on this shit

that katie holmes tom cruise thing is a fluke to me, publicity... they both got movies coming out soon

renee is a mess...

and desperate housewives is a waste of time and space

NeenaLove said...

dang... i am sooo right behind you on a whole bunch of your rants. LOL

don't understand the whole desperate housewives thing either... not a renee fan... not a russel crowe fan... all that mess!!!

Belle said...

Renee needs to go eat a sandwich. Russell...whatever.
Tom & Katie really did it up big for Oprah...ugggghhhh
and what the hell is a Yu-i-O?
Batman could beat his ass anyday.
Thanks for checking me out.

The Humanity Critic said...

Great post. I feel you completely. I don't see how people find cameron Diaz atractive. Plus, I really think Tom Cruise is gay now. Like Bill Maher said, "What a way to dispell the gay rumos than to date a 24 year old Virgin"

HarlemSlim said...

The last 2 paragraphs are why I fux with you!! As far as Joey Potter dating Tom Cruise, all i have to say there is that if Dawson could not get over that whole Pacey thing, he's really going o be PISSED now!