Saturday, May 28, 2005

Does Breez Brady have to choke a bitch?

Get ya bail money together for me just in case folks. Earlier this week, my crackhead neighbor tried to sell me some dollar store jewelry for ten dollars. Now initially, I didn't know that this was a crackhead transaction. It's not uncommon for the ladies around here to get their hustle on trying to sell Avon, Tupperware, or whatever. I told her I don't wear it, but I would check out what she had and let my friends know. After about five minutes or so, her behavior went into classic crackhead mode: saying she didn't want all the neighbors to see what she had, hyping up shitty merchandise (you would have thought she had the hope diamond) and last of all, unnecessary whispering. (Particularly since the stuff was so shitty. Honestly, no one would have missed it. In any event she was initially trying to get into my spot and I was like "uh, no, my house is a mess," which is code for "No Crack Whores Allowed En Mi Casa." So I gave her the big thanks but now thanks and went about my business.

Fast forward to today. She knocks on my door and said it was my neighbor. I thought it was my other neighbor and so I opened the door. Lo and behold, I'm face to face with Felicia. (You Friday lovers know who I'm talking about.) She just kind of stepped into my house and was like "I still have that stuff if you want it," all while giving my crib the once over. I tell her "Oh hell no" and put her out.

My point for telling this story is to say this. If I come home, and my shit is at so much as a different angle from how I left it, I am going to kick her door in and DISMANTLE that ho. I'm not asking questions, I'm not gonna ask where my stuff is, I'm just going to break her back. If there is anything in this world that I hate, it's a scheming, scamming, theivin' ass bastard. Let it be stated that I will make dominoes out of her vertebrae if my abode is disturbed.

Okay, got that off my chest. Go back to your lives citizens.


Danja said...

Please dont kill anyone


we dont have bail money or room for the babies yet lol

BLESSD1 said...

Now see? If you kill her, and you got locked up, we're gonna have to take the same kidz that you had us trying NOT to call CPS on you for in the last post! LOL! However...I feel your pain! There was a crackhead attempting to sell me all kinds of shit at the Barbershop the other day. I could only wonder what poor soul did he catch slippin' w/o a burgler alarm on their shit! You have my permission to take her ass to the brick-oven, and make her face look like pizza!

Amadeo said...

Crackheads don't call the police, They take the ass-whipping. A good threat will do it though.