Tuesday, November 22, 2005

The Maverick

They can't stop me, naw they can't stop me
They keep playin', keep sayin' I'm cocky
They keep tryin' but too tired to top me,
Their best bet is to fall back and watch me
-"Watch Me" Little Brother

By the time I was two years old, I'd had two surgical procedures which required me to spend prime toddler moments in a body cast that spanned from my rib cage down my entire left leg. Folks worried about how that would impact me. How would I function as a child that couldn't play. In true Breez fashion, I said to hell with the dumb shit and lived my life. I worked the hell outta that cast. There is a picture somewhere of me tumbling in it. According to my parents, I was trying to do headstands in traction. There was no breaking Toddler Mav.

So now what's the fucking deal with me? A little rain fell this month and my ass was SHOOK. Of all the things I made it through, now I shut down? My crib is looking like 20 years of oppression. (Well, maybe just three.) Damn. What's funny is that I went through the same shit last year. I refuse to spend my time huddled under a blanket watching fucking "Girlfriends" reruns snotting, "I can't wait for this year to be over."

This year has been a fucking BLAST. I had a flyy ass living room for about 8 months. (DAMN YOU KATRINA!!) I got a chance to hang with my Soul Twin on a few occasions this year. My son received an award for reading at the 3rd grade level in kindergarten (and currently has an A-PLUS average). My little sister matured exponentially (I really had to cut the cord). I discovered that there are still some good brothers out there. My shoe selection is tight, my crib is hot (well, it'll be hotter when I get furniture) and I've almost doubled my salary. I discovered books that nourished my mind and soul. I conquered the anger that I had against my ex-husband. I have learned that Oprah is to be feared and avoided at all costs. I've made new friends, found new fam and even though I still don't know what the hell I wanna be when I grow up, I'm closer "now" than I was "then".

Even the negative things were turned into blessings and I can do nothing but be eternally grateful to my Creator for that. Nothing was more beautiful than the outpouring of love and support I received following Katrina. To all of you who did ANYTHING, whether it was a kind word, clothes, money, a prayer, whatever, THANK YOU. Thank you for letting God work through you and bless me and my family.

I can't let the rough spots shake me. I can't lose myself. Seeing how far I've come let's me know how far I have to go. But I'm not scared. I can do this. Watch.

1 comment:

Mak said...

all costs