Tuesday, March 22, 2005

Mel's Rotten Tomato Pitching Extravaganza!!!

If you are familiar with my blog, you know that I have a surly side and get annoyed by some harmless stuff. I love poking fun at that which annoys me. What better thing to do on a rainy day (since I can't engage in mind bending sex) than mentally pitch rotten tomatoes at life's little annoyances?

I have a very firm belief about what should happen to the individual who spawned, as well as the individuals that use, the term "overstand". Each individual should be shot and buried. The earth where their remains lie is to be salted to prevent anything from growing there, but I'll settle for hurling a tomato. I'm assuming that this expression was coined to become a clever, intelligent substitute for the word understand. Wooooohooooo we don't want to be UNDER anything. The individuals using this word remind me of the character portrayed by Damon Wayans on "In Living Color." You remember the dude. . . he would always create big words to give off an air of an intellectualist. He would run around saying things like "Suppress your deFLEcation" and whatnot. Poor sap. The thing is, he was a character in a sketch comedy series - the overstanders are in earnest. These are the same people that believe that since "conversate" has been added to the dictionary, it should be used. *sigh* What am I going to do with my people? *SPLAT!*

Though I recognize that a public lavatory is, well, public, but there is are unwritten rules that should be followed. Namely, if a stall is in use, and there are three other available stalls, do NOT use the adjacent stall. Come on! What the hell is wrong with you? It's a "personal space" concept. Get with it. *SPLAT!*

When new folks ask the question "Did you miss me?" or some other intimate question inappropriate to a new situation/relationship. This is not a male or a female thing. I've seen both sexes commit this grave folly. I concede that there have been occasions where two people meet and hit it off. Sometimes though, one hits it out of the park. . .leaving the other in the stands. Take it easy people. Shit like that is how stalking begins. *SPLAT!*

All to often, I encounter people who believe that black folks are a monolith. If someone of another ethnicity were to walk up to a black person and assume that they like chicken, the gut reaction is to become highly offended. It's an ignorant stereotype. That being said, why is it okay for other black folks to assume what movies, books, television shows, politicians and just general ideology, black people should approve of and support? This needs no explanation. . . *SPLAT!* As a matter of fact, folks that generalize by race, sex, or beliefs as a matter of course *SPLAT!*

The terms "ATM Machine" and "PIN Number" bug me. Especially since one would be saying "Automated Teller Machine Machine" and "Personal Identification Number Number" The average layperson says it without thinking. They go to the bank, that's what the rep calls it and ultimately, so sayeth they. I spent quite a few years working for a bank and almost ALL of the employees, who should arguably no better, used these terms. This one is for you. *SPLAT!*

People under the age of 50 that wear fanny packs. *SPLAT!* (I'm biased towards people over the age of 50 since my daddy wears them. Call me a hypocrite - I don't care. He paid my car insurance last month and is a positive male influence for my kids, so he can pretty much do whatever the hell he wants.)

Men with pigtails. *blank stare* and *SPLAT!*

I guess that's it for now. Then again, what could possibly come after men who choose to wear their hair like my four year old daughter.

Mel - Hurling tomatoes for over 20 years.

1 comment:

Danja said...

LOL yeah that ATM machine and PIN number thing gets me every time lol

i swear it does

and that "overstand" bullshit

OMG, thats so gay LOL