Wednesday, March 09, 2005

"Whose is it?" and Other undesirable Sayings

1. "Da bomb", "Haaaaaaaaaaay Girlfriend", "My bad" and "You got it going on"

If you are over the age of 50 (40 for white folks...sorry, it's an ugly truth) you are hereby obligated to cease and desist uttering the above referenced phrases. The sun has set on your days of slang usage. The hour for cornball language and fanny packs is nigh.

2. "One years old"

One is it out.

3. "Crunk"

I've also heard this supplemented with "extra" as in "extra crunk". If Lil Jon represents crunk I'm not even trying to ascertain what's involved in extra crunk. It sounds scary, evil and like something that would cause one to lose an eye.

4. "I'm Rick James Bitch"

No. . . you're not. You're Joe Parker and evidently not creative enough to make up your own jokes and sayings. I'm sure Dave Chappelle would thank me for telling you "Shut the fuck up!"

5. "I would see my son/daughter but his/her mama be actin' funny"

Stop it. If a person violates a court order, they go to jail. Guess what? That includes custody orders. Do me a favor - get off your ass, stop making excuses and fight for your relationship with your child.

6. "You look married"

Someone asked what a guy means when he asks that. This is a prime example of bullshit silk. If you don't have a ring, you don't look married. You might look unconcerned, anxious, content, relaxed, at ease, uptight...but there is no such thing as looking married. That's like saying "You look like you have a sister." I'll tell you what a guy means when he asks that - you're doable, and he's opening up the lines of booty communication.

7. "Cunt", "Cock", "Shaft". . . you get the picture

Those words sound base and stupid to me. Unless you are living in a porno flick, eliminate them from your vocabulary expeditiously.

8. "Cuz see, I'm a real man/woman about mine" aka "I know I'm a good man/woman"

Newsflash - The real/good men and women are far too busy doing the shit that makes them real and good to make pronouncements and seek accolades. Shut up, improve yourself and screw the haters when necessary.

9. "Well, until he starts actin' right, he ain't gon' see his kids"

You are the moron that provides fodder for the brothers described in Number 5. Whether he's a dog, doesn't want you, or maybe is just immature for your tastes, please remember, he is the doggish, immature, flighty dude that you decided to have unprotected sex with. Live with the consequences of your actions, grow up and stop using your children as pawns.

10. "Whose is it?"

If you have to ask, it's not yours. Unless you're prepared to hear that it belongs to Jason, but your name is Jeff, don't ask.
*The opinions on this blog do not reflect those of or its subsidiaries.

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