Friday, March 11, 2005

Movies I Would Have REALLY Wanted to See

"Disappearing Acts"
"Thelma & Louise"
"Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood"

Women flock to see these movies so they can say things like "it was touching", "it's very poignant" and, through tears, "I felt like it was about me and my friends!!!" Uh I'm sorry, but did you see Angela Bassett's house in "Waiting to Exhale"? None of my broke ass girlfriends have it like that. I also have yet to know of a woman that went to Jamaica on a whim. Biloxi, maybe. . . Myrtle Beach if they're being "exotic", but never Jamaica. So I'm going to list some titles of movies that I'd like to see, that would make me feel comfortable.

1. "Disappearing Ass" - Young urban professional sister struggles with a weight problem. She meets a roughneck type brother that blows her back out, causing her to shed pounds in the process. She ultimately realizes that he is a loser, dumps him, but enjoys her new found weight loss.

2. "How Stella Got Her Income Tax" - Single mother is laid off, but fortunately, she's just received her W-2. She immediately goes to Turbo Tax on the web (because she's decided that Jackson Hewitt sucks ASS!), recieves a rapid refund and is able to stay afloat until she finds a new job.

3. "Waiting to Choke-Slam" - Four women - one left for a white woman, one living a life as the other woman, one finding out about a gay ex-husband and one just generally being dizzy - decide they have had it up to here! After the backs of their proverbial camels have been broken, watch as these women ceremoniously beat the crap out of everyone that commits even the most minor infraction.

4. "Divine Secrets of the Front Hook Bra" - One woman's quest to find the front hooked bra that never unfastens in public.

5. "Kecia & Sherelle" - After telling their SO's to fuck off, these two sisters decide that crime sprees are for white folks, go to Mexico with little incident, and open a popular soul food joint in Guadalajara.

Ahhhhh...if this world were mine.


NeenaLove said...

bwaaaaaaahahahahaha.... that was too funny!!!

Liza Valentino said...

pure craziness...i love it.

And dammit if Angela Basset wasn't the SHIT in Waiting to Exhale. I'm sorry but homegirl did the damn thing.