Thursday, March 03, 2005

The Single Girl's Soliloquy

I have gone through phases where I had no interest in sex. I have gone through phases where I had no interest in relationships. There are times I believe that I will be single for the rest of my life. Sometimes it bothers me, sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes, I am actually happy about it.

However why, whenever I have my program in order, someone steps in and tries to mess it up. Why, whenever I assert my happiness and contentment, someone feels that they have to show me something different. In theory, its fine, but the moment I get comfortable with the idea of having someone around, I get gut-punched. I will come across a seemingly nice brother that finds it horrible that a beautiful sister like me is traversing this earth alone. They make it their aim to show me how much happier my life will be with the right brother at my side. They just neglect to mention that they have no intention of being that brother. That's the way the cookie crumbles I suppose.

I have a very dear friend who has a concise theory of what men are good for. Many times, I am inclined to agree, however, I am of the belief that there are some exceptions to the rule. I never walked around saying "my man is different", but I would approach each situation with what I like to call "hopeful apprehension." By that, I mean this: Given the opportunity, most men will do exactly what they believe that can get away with, and maybe a little more. However, I harbor a tiny hope that the brother I'm dealing with will, for once, prove me wrong. Alas, that has yet to happen.

My very dear and wise friend, made a statement that is so hilariously accurate, I have been repeating it to everyone. It goes as follows:

I mean the headaches involved every time they open their mouths really isn't worth the hassle is it ladies? 99.99999999% os men are cut from the same cloth. This is that popular Bullshit Silk.

Now, before you judge, don't think I'm on some "All men are dogs" bullshit - I'm not. I have a father, who is a beautiful man. Handsome, good provider, loving husband, the whole nine. The same can be said for my brother-in-law. Truth be told, I have a host of male family members who hold it down in many respects. However, the majority of these individuals were MEN when I met them. So I didn't know the horny 17 year-old, the silver tongued 21 year-old or the playalistic 28 year-old. I knew the man they became after they turned that silk into a suitable garment (even if they were frightened into it by the women in their lives). Mind you, all of them still have shit with them, but they're good men. Their goodness outweighs the BSS, so it's acceptable. Hell, us wimmenfolk got shit with us too, so it breaks even with that sort.

However, there are some brothers who egregiously flaunt and drape women in the bullshit silk (colloquially referred to by me as "dat dubioooooni") and this is the brother that I refer to. You see this brother everywhere - on the net, at the club, at the party, in the grocery store, at the car wash (whoa whoa whoa whoa, lol), at the book store, at the poetry readings. . . Oooooooh lord, the poetry readings. . .He's the brother that will "queen" you to death and is always talking bullshit about aromatherapy and drinking your nectars. . . YUCK!

This brother is the plan wrecker. It's not only unfair that I've made the decision to be single. . . it's downright criminal. What ultimately happens is, as soon as I'm comfortable talking to the brother or show any hint of emotion, it can almost hear the door slam and the neon light go off in his eyes saying "GOTCHA BITCH!" I can't even lie, it worked. It worked a lot. Now after years of picking up and dusting off my lil feelings, I get the picture.

So at 28, I stick to my plan. I'm still apprehensively hopeful, but I don't count on anything or anyone. I'm making the most out of what I have, and enjoying myself in the process.

1 comment:

Danja said...

Dick and muthafucking Dinner!! That is all most of these careless bastards are worth, you know?

I hate that they get away with this shit and we let them. I hate that they know they can run game over us. That fucking cockiness and ego needs to be shut the fuck down.

When we get our shit together, they wanna come and be all up in our faces. Except this time, they dont change the game, they come with the same bullshit, and most of us fall for it AGAIN.

We need to stop letting them get away with this shit. Men only do what we women let them.